I’ve got a beautiful new gf and we’re yet to have sex. We’re sending each other sexual messages and having lots of make out time but I cannot shake that nagging feeling of possibly losing my hard on.
It’s happened a couple of times with my ex but I always managed to push through. I can think of nothing else apart from flopping up, having to say sorry and then seeing the disappointment on her face. Why the fuck am I so worried?
I dont have the answers but simply a relatable brother in this community. Following this post to see others comment
I wish I had the complete answer….
What’s worked in an ongoing work in progress is: when it starts to happen don’t panic! I try to breathe in normally and exhale slowly. I rub myself on her, she loves it and her reactions often start me up again. I’ve also been working this app for several months kinda off and on. I’m 53 with several issues such as a death grip, porn habit and an inner critic that won’t shut up… I’m also on the smaller side - couple that with the unreliable erection and that’s not confidence inspiring……
Though I’ve gotten quite good at eating pussy and one of my nicknames is magic hands…. 
I’m also not intimidated by toys. She loves em and I bring em to bed all the time!
What I’m sayin is it’s not ALL about a hardon.
Ease up on yourself.
Good luck!!
Here’s what worked for me. Finally realised I’m 47, and not a sex robot, porn sex isn’t real. Told my wife I absolutely find her sexy and it’s never her, sometimes it happens and I might need to get back in the zone. Talking about it with her, made it seem insignificant and I now go hard again pretty quickly. The shame associated with going soft (which is nonsense) has essentially gone, so has the fear. Us both realising its normal, broke the anxiety cycle.
Like others, for bloody good at oral so know I have a backup plan is great for confidence.
On the getting back in the zone, box breathing works brilliantly for me.
Good luck, you’ll get through this phase.
Have you incorporated the flesh-light in sexual encounters with your partner?
I haven’t yet, myself. But so far, given enough time, I can cum at the ending after making her cum a bunch, but I’m still reliant on my hand getting myself there. Didn’t have the chance to run and my flesh-light when it came time to cum, but anyway my hand was able to get me there.
If partner is in the mood and there’s enough time, I can relax and allow it to happen. If I feel rushed, it won’t happen. And certainly not if I’m stressed about something.
She’s used the buzz toys on me before, she’s pretty handy with her hand and damn good at oral…. But she can’t make me cum. I have a silicone sleeve similar to a fleshlite to help me over my deathgrip and I’ve gone to Woo lube, but I have not brought the sleeve to bed…