I split with an ex 9 months ago, after being with her for 13 years.
Narcissistic and horrible relationship that beat my self esteem, sex drive and libido into the ground. She was pretty rough with making me feel bad about it too.
Have just started seeing a girl who with the first time of trying, had fun but I wasn’t able to keep it up for sex and drive wasn’t fully there. Still had lots of fun though, she did especially.
Second time was last night, kept it up, had moments of going soft but focused on the moment, on touch and on her. Was able to have sex for ages, again, had a lot of fun, but wasn’t able to finish.
Hoping the next time we fool around I manage to finish.
Some advice from me is to still fool around, still have fun. If you go soft then continue playing with hands, fingers, tongue or toys. Still be in the moment and give her (or the other person) a good time and you’ll feel great for satisfying them… they’ll love you more for it too and you’ll feel better about yourself for not thinking you’re a ‘failure’. (Which none of us are by the way, we’re just re-learning)
It really helps having someone who is supportive and understanding too.