I’m coming in with something a little bit different that I’m seeking help with. My girlfriend and I have been having some issues lately, and truthfully it feels as if her love for me is getting weaker and weaker.
I’ve had lots of issues with mental health and self-esteem for the past year, and about two weeks ago my girlfriend opened up telling me how draining its been to take care of me and how tired she’s gotten. She loves me, but she feels it was becoming really hard to hold all that weight. That made me realise how much I messed up. I’d been sitting in my self-loathing and not trying to claw out of it and just put all that pressure on her.
So then I embarked on my new journey. I started with mojo to help issues with sexual wellbeing, I’ve been trying other wellbeing apps and opening up to my friends more. I want to get into therapy but I’m currently unemployed, so I’m looking to find work and invest therapy when I’m financially able to. I feel I’m on the track to get a lot better, and my girlfriend acknowledges that and is happy for me.
But, I’m worried I was too late. I worry that I’ve tired her out too much. She won’t tell me outright, but I know somethings wrong and when I try to initiate a conversation about it she’ll say it’s because she’s tired. We have exams on at the moment also, but I’m scared that even after the exams pass, things won’t change.
Writing this all out has made me realise I’m impatient. That, she spent so much time waiting for me to stop being tired all the time and only after two weeks am I here seeking help on what to do. But I really don’t know what to do. Was I too late? Should I just do my best and wait it out? I really wanna talk to her straight up but I don’t want to be confrontational especially during exam period.
This has been really long and I appreciate it if anyone got this far. I guess in a nutshell, I think I’ve tired out my girlfriend out of love and I don’t know what to do. Thank you for letting me rant mojo, any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated.
1 Like
First off, I believe that you are not too late and that’s not just me trying to lift your spirits. The fact she brought up the issue, you recognized it and put in the effort to change, and she acknowledged the change and effort you provided is a good sign and very healthy!
Relationships are never 50/50, no matter what anyone tells you. There will always be an imbalance but that’s what relationships are for, so that you can help each other! Ask her if there are any other ways you can lessen the load she has felt, she still loves you and I’m sure she’d love the help or the space to recharge a little bit.
In any case, if it’s truly bothering you I suggest asking her something along the lines: “Is now a good time to talk about (subject)?” And hopefully, if she’s not tired you guys can have a conversation. If you read this far, best of luck man I hope your relationship continues.
3 Likes
Thanks a lot man. We ended up finding an hour to talk about it and we’ve set aside a few days after exams to sort through everything and figure our best way forward. It sounds silly but I didn’t completely consider just asking what I could do from her perspective. I just thought if I worked on myself that it would be a good step forward, but I will definitely use that advice to communicate it out and really work on getting back on track together. Once again, thank you.
I think it is a really good sign that your gf was able to say to you she was struggling. Often in a relationship one person will hold the anxiety/low mood - often without realising. I think it will be important for you to share how grateful you are that she has been able to speak her truth. If you can say how important it is to you for things to change - and that you hope you can co create something new together. If you can see a relationship therapist for a few sessions it might be really helpful - both sharing how you would like things to be and what is and what isn’t working. A bit like an MOT. Hopefully she will see how committed you are to this process and hopefully you can 'hear 'each other - good luck! : )
1 Like
Thank you. I have suggested we see a relationship therapist in the near future. It’s hard to navigate given I’d also want to see a therapist for my personal wellbeing and it’s financially a struggle and hard to picture being able to have both currently. I‘ve not heard of an MOT analogy before but I think I have an idea of where you’re coming from 
. But things are looking up slowly but surely, working at it day by day
After trying our best, we came to the conclusion that I was too late. We tried to heal and was on the path to get better, but she couldn’t feel there was any way to fix the damage that’d already been done. Thank you for helping me out, I’m sorry I couldn’t update you with a happier ending.