Im trying to quit and going cold turkey, is a fail, as I keep failing, when im feeling a need. I have since just been weaning off slowly. So, my problem is the habit of getting off even when I don’t want to, just because I feel an urge at that moment, but have yet to master the discipline to stop when a thought arises. I find my self just saying screw it im doing this. Even I know its not good for me or my psyche. I will overcome this addiction and find it the most difficult to do, because it is affecting my relationships and sex with a partner. I made love to a woman recently and even though I stayed hard, I just couldn’t finish, and that one thing has always been the problem. I know its mental because solo I have no issues. Shame, anxiety, and disappointment when with my partner, by worrying about them seems to be my battle and struggle. Mojo has helped some but I know it will take time to get out of my head and control myself when alone. Anyone have advice on how to resist the urge?
I don’t really have advice but I’m in a similar boat. I usually fill my time up with healthier activities to keep boredom away. Maybe try rewarding yourself with each goal? For example, after one week I will treat myself to a nice restaurant or if you can afford it but that thing you’ve been wanting and haven’t bought yet.
Just to add, from experience of different addictions. You need to be fully ready and in a good spot to commit and truly want it. And you will certainly fail over and over again until it sticks.
I think we do the “habit” not so much out of habit but because a part of us does not want to let it go. Or you are not ready to give it up (which you don’t need to) I think as soon as you allow youraelf off the hook and let the tension to drop it go, you will find it easier to stop. You could tell yourself “I’m allowed to watch porn but maybe I’ll do it later”. Even just saying that sometimes helps.
Other than that you could try urge surfing. Meaning you focus on how badly your brain wants it and sit with those urges till it passes. This also teaches you that cravings come and go.
I think one dangerous or unhelpful thought is “screw it im doing it, but THEN I’ll quit”. I think that’s an easy one to catch yourself saying and recognise as it’s a blatant lie that we tell ourselves. If we say that this time we say the same next time
Or, try to identify why you are justifying it. Like “okay I’m trying to quit but ____ happened today”
I find myself doing both these unhealthy behaviours in trying to quit smoking and hookup app usage
Also, don’t be too down on yourself if you give in, it won’t help if you are mad at yourself - just acknowledge it and try to do better next time
(It’s also arguable if cold turkey is the best method! Maybe try other methods, like mentioned in the course)