I have a beautiful wife and have been married for 5 years. Still whenever I get a chance and am alone, all I do is watch porn and masturbate. I feel guilty afterwards and feel tired. I want to quit but this has been a bad habit since my childhood. Has anyone done cold turkey and been successful? Any tips to let go of this habit? How much masturbation is healthy and does it drain your energy? Looking for suggestions in this incredible community
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Hey There!
I was in this exact situation (albeit I’m not married, but in a relationship with my gf for 10 years). Regularly masturbated 3x a day on days we didn’t have sex, and used porn every time.
What helped me was twofold:
- I spoke to my girlfriend about this because, for me, it felt like a problem. She was terrified at first, but was also very accepting of it and helped me throughout this process.
- I started relying less and less on porn, and worked out my imagination way more.
Quitting “cold-turkey” is usually not advised / not productive, and it didn’t work for me at all. What DID help me, however, is “scheduling” porn usage. First I let myself use porn every other day, and forced myself to masturbate without it (if I wanted to masturbate of course) the other day. Then I went every 3 days, 4 days etc. currently at once a week and I feel like this is a much better balance for me. Still, I’m not exactly happy with my porn usage, but I feel like it’s much better.
What’s important to remember is that being accountable to someone helps (at least helped me), and that beating yourself up about this will do no good. Take your time and slowly make progress.
Hope this helps!
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I was in the same situation as you describe and the guilt of it all was eating me up. I craved porn and masturbating more than sex with my partner and knew I had to make a change.
I quit cold turkey, but in order to do so I came clean with my partner. We had a meaningful conversation about it. How it made me feel, that it was eating me up and felt unfaithful to our relationship. I communicated that I needed support and understanding while quitting this habit. It’s not easy to talk about but being honest with your partner is a vital.
Once you quit, your brain goes through a lot of changes which was tough. The science of what happens to your dopamine levels while watching porn, then quitting porn is fascinating but challenging.
I use an app called Days Since, which is basically just a day counter to visually my progress of how long I’ve been porn free.
Lastly, to create some fun in the situation, we bought a 3D printed chastity cage for my penis so I get locked up when my partner is away. It has created a spark and some anticipation/reward. It’s sexy fun but also helps keep me on track.
Good luck to you
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It took my girlfriend calling me out about porn use to get me to stop. It became so normal to me after a while looking at/using porn all the time that it was like an instinct. Realizing too that SO many people struggle with this helped quitting and staying off it. Years later, I now realize how much porn distorted my view of sex, intimacy, and expectations. It’s also been much healthier for me to discover a slower approach and this app has helped with that too, instead of just trying to get my rocks off with porn.
There are days you will fail, give yourself grace in that, and keep trying!
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I am the opposite, porn is like Viagra, if my wife approved, she would get more of me than she could handle. Men are visually stimulated, and porn can be beneficial if you are able to be honest about it’s effect on male sexuality. Of course using it as a crutch is not helpful to the relationship, but being honest about it can also be detrimental. It can be a double edge sword in a relationship. I’d love any suggestions on how to explain it to a woman without fear of judgement or rejection.