Psyching myself out of amazing sex

🏳️‍🌈 LGBT+
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So I’ve been flirting with a guy on the apps. He’s partnered/open, so strictly sexual.

Today we connected between work meetings, I was horny and he was down to bottom, yes!

When he opened the door he was even more attractive than his photos, like STUNNING.

My heart is beating fast and my mouth is dry

He gives me oral and I end up shooting a load, but I’m still feeling it.

Foreplay gets me compeltey hard. He asks if I want to fuck him, of course I do!

I glance down, he has lube ready on the bed, I pick it up, but suddenly my mind buts in and tells me that I need my lube to do this right. I don’t go with the flow; I interrupt it. :person_facepalming:

I tell him I want to use some of my lube and he’s clearly like, “wat?”. the entire vibe is destroyed. I get my lube but I am now anxious and completely soft. he’s not into it. I have to tell him I hit a wall. as we get dressed I tell him that I find him very attractive but I got nervous.

he seems somewhat understanding. my mind is catastrophizing as I leave. “I’ll never get this chance again.” “no one I find this attractive would want me anyway.” questioning my worthiness etc. etc.

from 2 till 6pm my mind is completely awash in feeling bad and regretful and trying to coach myself out of the funk.

Sharing this has helped me to process the experience.

Anyone else have experiences like this? ever feel like you sabotage your own pleasure and happiness?

2 Likes
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Me??? All day long yeah I got mojo so I could learn why I go into self sabotage mode and how to get it if my head. It’s very sad how I can be my own worst enemy at times.

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Totally relate to the lube issue. Maybe it really is just self sabotage of my own pleasure and happiness. Or maybe it’s hyper-association of the lube with a bad experience. Confidence and performance concerns are always an issue for me, but I’ve had bad experiences with really sticky like Ky type of lube making me go soft, so I really feel like I need a decent, water-based lube to perform. I even stress about what position works, changing positions, everything. With the way hookups go, even if everything went great the person might not have met again. Another super hot guy will always come along. Even if it doesn’t feel that way, it’s true. And a quality guy will work with you to ensure you’re setup for success. Because your hard dick is what that bottom wants. Some of them are greedy and judgmental, but they should be sensitive to the pressure tops feel. Sounds like foreplay gets you rock hard so I think you’ll be doing just fine. Maybe just get your lube out ahead of time or have a plan for having it where you can get to it quick without interrupting the flow.

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I absolutely relate to the “I’ll never have this chance again” feeling. With hookup apps, it’s a one-and-done with most everyone unless the sex is GREAT. Sometimes I don’t message guys because I worry about performance… and if tonight is the night they come over, I’ll fuck it up. And if I fuck it up, I don’t get a second shot at this hottie who I’ve seen on my grid for months.

It’s just more pressure I put on myself, which leads to worse performance, which leads to shame, which leads to more pressurse…

1 Like
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If he wanted you to fuck him, it means you were worth it. Maybe you were too excited and the anxiety took over. It has happened to me too.