So I’ve been flirting with a guy on the apps. He’s partnered/open, so strictly sexual.
Today we connected between work meetings, I was horny and he was down to bottom, yes!
When he opened the door he was even more attractive than his photos, like STUNNING.
My heart is beating fast and my mouth is dry
He gives me oral and I end up shooting a load, but I’m still feeling it.
Foreplay gets me compeltey hard. He asks if I want to fuck him, of course I do!
I glance down, he has lube ready on the bed, I pick it up, but suddenly my mind buts in and tells me that I need my lube to do this right. I don’t go with the flow; I interrupt it.
I tell him I want to use some of my lube and he’s clearly like, “wat?”. the entire vibe is destroyed. I get my lube but I am now anxious and completely soft. he’s not into it. I have to tell him I hit a wall. as we get dressed I tell him that I find him very attractive but I got nervous.
he seems somewhat understanding. my mind is catastrophizing as I leave. “I’ll never get this chance again.” “no one I find this attractive would want me anyway.” questioning my worthiness etc. etc.
from 2 till 6pm my mind is completely awash in feeling bad and regretful and trying to coach myself out of the funk.
Sharing this has helped me to process the experience.
Anyone else have experiences like this? ever feel like you sabotage your own pleasure and happiness?