My situation: I have been separated after a 23 yr relationship with kids (her choice not mine). After 2 yrs hoping for reconciliation I’ve met an amazing woman who I want to please in bed.
My difficulty is keeping an erection during sex. I’m hard during foreplay, but when I start to penetrate her I become soft. It’s definitely a mental issue as I can easily stay stiff while masturbating. She says she’s ok with it and is happy to work through it together, but it’s very frustrating, almost torturous!
She’s 52, I’m 50, so we understand that these things happen, but I know she’d like me to penetrate her until she comes.
I’m lucky that she likes me to make her orgasm with fingers or tongue. She absolutely loves giving a BJ but I don’t seem to be able to finish from this anymore. I normally have to finish myself off by hand (she likes to watch and lick me clean afterwards!) or save it for another day.
I’m returning to Mojo after a break. I’ve stopped watching porn 100% and have been doing the kegel exercises, which has helped a lot. I can now stay hard inside her for 5 mins but can’t stay hard enough to finish the job. It’s so annoying - before I separated, I would be stiff all night long, but not so much anymore.
Are there any older men in a similar situation? Have you been able to improve so you can finish through penetration?
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Not sure if this is advice, but just wanted to say I completely understand what seems like a light switch turning off when going through a divorce in regard to sexual performance. I’m 41; separated 39. Never ever had a problem until she asked for the divorce. I, too, spent a year and a half holding on for some chance at reconciliation.
I met a girl who, just like yours, is understanding about ED and figuring it out. Biggest change for me (I just started Mojo, so too early for it to affect anything) has been letting go of my ex and embracing this new relationship. The last couple of weeks has been rock hard and refractory period starting to shorten back up.
I can’t help but feel like letting my ex go mentally and in my heart has allowed me to connect to this new girl in a way I wasn’t allowing myself before (not to mention removing the immense amount of anxiety and stress from holding on).
My only issue now is my premature ejaculation is returning (which I did suffer for years with). Hoping Mojo helps with that. Nonetheless, allow yourself to let go, accept that marriage (and life) is permanently over, and you might find things working perfectly. Good luck!
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Hi silky-ivory-urinal(?!)
Thanks for reading my message and giving such an honest reply. You are definitely right about it being a mental rather than physical issue. I was monogamous for my entire previous relationship, never even looked over the fence to see if the grass was greener. Sleeping with a new woman has been quite a change for me. Letting go has been very difficult but I’m getting there. Informing my kids that their Mum and Dad will never be together again is my next big step, which does prey upon my mind and effect my sleep etc.
Letting go of the past, moving on and (literally) embracing the future is a difficult journey that has had a great effect on me mentally. In my case, I know the car works, it’s just the driver that needs retraining.
Thanks again for your reply and good luck with your new relationship and overcoming these set backs. We’ll get there.
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