Hey all. M-39 here. I’ve had a porn habit for well over 25 years. I would masterbate to porn 1-3 week, often fantasizing about threesomes or women in stockings and lingerie.
This started causing issues with my intimacy with my wife within the last 10
Years. I’ve been working to get myself off it and have drastically reduced my views to maybe 5 times a year, without masterbating. But even looking at it or checking out girls on IG makes me feel like I’m still failing.
I feel guilt/shame and then get anxious when there’s opportunity to have sex with my wife. I get in my own head and can’t get hard or lose my boner and then the tensions run high.
Any thoughts or feedback?
1 Like
dopamine and porn are interconnected. Study the subject of dopamine release and you’ll better know about yourself and why you’ve become addicted in the first place. This helped me to better understand the subject and I quit the porn right that second…
1 Like
I read the book No More Mr Nice Guy and it revealed a lot about myself regarding some of what you’re describing here. Stopping the porn is the best thing all of us can do. It may or may not apply to you, but I’ve found that guilt/shame from watching porn taps into longer, deeper shames that I internalized years ago. One thing that has helped me tremendously is focusing on my pleasure (what do I even really want when having sex with my wife) and being “selfish” when we have sex (stopping the insane pressure of focusing on performing or pleasing her above anything else as my top priority). It’s a weird paradox but not being in touch with my body, my wants, etc. made for ED or at best mediocre sex for both of us. It takes time working on this, but compulsive porn trains us to dissociate with our bodies. Getting back in touch with our real selves and the real sexual energy inside of us is the key. You’ve got this!
1 Like
Brother you’re in the right place, stick to this app and stay consistent and most importantly, BE HONEST. Tell her what’s been going on but of course I don’t know how she’ll take it so try to spin it in a positive light. That will greatly ease some stress off your shoulders and allow you to focus on returning to your true self. That being said, you NEED to re-optimize your social media feeds, and if you can, delete them off your phone completely. A large part to beating porn-induced ED is reducing your exposure to triggers. No sexy images that aren’t your SO and no porn what so ever. You WILL lose your sex drive and you will feel HOPELESS for awhile but then you will awaken one day suddenly a new man. For me, it took around 90 days, but it can take longer depending on many factors like the amount of porn you watched growing up and how you see a healthy relationship. The key is DISCIPLINE. In the first weeks, it will seem like your hormones are busted, no erections, irritability, mood swings, hopelessness, but just stay DISCIPLINED and you will find the light at the end of the tunnel one day. You will know when. You’ll feel born again, strong hard erections just at the THOUGHT of your SO, tackling your day and waking up excited. I am so excited for you because I know you will thank me later.