Performance Anxiety since trying for baby

Me and my partner started trying for a baby recently, as soon as we started trying I essentially got performance anxiety. It’s been incredibly frustrating and upsetting. It’s lead to a lot of uncomfortable conversations with my partner. I tried viagra, I only took half but got so anxious about taking it and thinking about what I was taking it for that didn’t work. We have been going through a lot recently with other stuff so I’m really stressed and just feel like I’m in some horrible loop now. I’ve not even got a hard on myself in about two weeks now. Really hope this helps but starting to already think I may need a councillor?

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It sounds like a lot of stress is weighing on you. It makes total sense that you’re feeling frustrated, but I’m so sorry it’s been so tough and you’re in what feels like a horrible loop.

It’s great you’re trying Mojo. Have you gone through the Performance Anxiety course yet? Do you think that any of it rings true for you?

As well as the Soft Penis Pleasuring and Box Breath exercises from the Performance Anxiety course, some guys find that trying the Mojo meditations soothe nerves and anxiety before sex. Consider trying the meditation series Overcoming Pre-sex Nerves.

You could try to listen to one episode a day (they’re about 8-10 mins each) for the next 8 days. And you can return to a particular meditation right before you have sex and use it like a point-of-need tool to get you out of your head and feeling calm and ready.

Our meditation coach Mike says that the ‘best’ meditation to do before sex is the one that you like. But if you want a recommendation, I think ‘Calm’ from that series might be worth trying.

At Mojo, we are big believers in the power of counselling and therapy. If you want to let us know which country you are in, we can signpost you to some resources so you can find a professional that will support you and get you back on track.

Sending you lots of luck and support :relaxed:

Grace from Mojo

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Hi there

I am having the exact same problem. Everything you said rings true to me. I had performance anxiety a bit before trying for baby, but it has got so much worse now. We used to be able to work through it, but recently has been the first time we had to knock it on the head for the night and admit defeat. Feels terrible. Would love to converse with you at some point :slight_smile:

I am currently going through the same thing. Would also like to connect with anyone open too to discuss more :blush:

I’ve noticed when I am open about it I feel better and it’s gives me more hope

I have been going through this exact same thing. My wife and I have been trying to get pregnant for 18 months now and the performance anxiety and catastrophizing started for me after about 6 months or so. I also had the same issue with Viagra as you’d. It has been really tough on our marriage. I can’t seem to get out of my head. The mediations have helped me I think but I still worry. If anyone has anything that has helped them I would love to talk.


I’m experiencing exactly the same issue. We have been trying for a baby for 4 years. Had tests done and told no problems with either of us.

Sex was always structured, every other day! Became extremely monotonous. One day I lost my erection and in all honesty I haven’t been able to have sex since! This was in may 2021. Even the thought of sex fills me with despair and my anxiety goes through the roof. I literally can’t explain how mortified I am with it all, it’s literally horrendous.