I’m at my wits end. I like many others suffer from performance anxiety. I’m going through the Mojo program, as well as having bought a self help book, and am approaching my issue at the medical route as well. Nothing seems consistent and I am having a really hard time (no pun intended) getting through this. Anytime I think of us having sex soon my chest just caves in.
I’ve seen many of the articles talking about intimacy without PIV penetration, and a half a dozen ways we can “have a good time” in bed. My GF has had some pretty major past trauma. Part of that is that the only way she feels any intimacy, is with PIV penetration. She is also super self conscious about her body, and is very uncomfortable receiving and performing other types of pleasure. She will push me away if I start to go down on her, which is something I really enjoy.
Also, when I can’t get it up, that just adds on to her being self conscious, and she thinks I’m lying when I say that I am very attracted to her.
I simply can’t give her the intimacy she needs, at least at a consistent rate. About 85% of the time I fail at that. It is starting to affect our relationship drastically. She has been very patent and understanding of the situation, but it is on the verge of losing this connection with me, and is saying she doesn’t know how much longer she can deal with this. As if I wasn’t under enough pressure this certainly doesn’t help. She also knows this and is why sometimes she doesn’t tell me her complete feelings, and in turn she thinks of herself as a horrible person.
I’m not really sure where to go from here. I’m doing everything I can, but it’s like it’s never enough. I’ve done the meditations, the courses, the doctor visits, communicating to her what’s going on…and nothing seems to be working. I’m not really certain what I can try next short of trying to get actual help and go through couples counseling. I get it through work but there is a huge waitlist to where it’s months before I can see someone.
Any advice out there I welcome it. We both love each other very much and want this to turn into a permanent thing and have even talked about marriage, but my issues is getting in the way of that, and I’m fearing the worst.