One night stands

I’m a uni student, and I want to have one night stands however I have had ED for a while now due to my losing my erection during my virginity coz I was nervous , I have failed as many times as I’ve succeeded since and there’s this one girl who I actually really like who is coming to visit me in the uk from the USA over the summer to hook up who I’ve never actually met. But I feel like I’m going to panic and go soft on her because I actually have kind of have feelings for her and I’m building up and I’m actually looking forward to the weekend we spend together and I don’t want it to be ruined by my penis, as it’s probably going to be my only chance to sleep with her. But the more I’m thinking like this the more I feel like I’m going to go soft and idk what to do as I’m like counting down the days

I can relate to this. I have just started a new relationship. At the weekend we planned a hike and then I would stay at hers. I knew sex was on the cards and all I could think of in the lead up to that night - even on the hike - was ‘am I going to be able to get it up?’, because like you I had suffered with ED before. On the night…didn’t happen. Why? Probably because I had stressed about it too much. I don’t have an answer for you just yet. I’m still early days on the course. Maybe someone who is further along will have some key messages. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. I used to love the thought of sex. Now I dread it. And that’s not right.

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You’re not alone. I’ve come out of a 12 year relationship/7 year marriage where I suffered from ed and pe on the odd occasions, to the point it killed our sex life as she had her own stimulation issues and I wasn’t able to give her what she needed.
We were seperated since late 22 and I moved back in at the start of the year to try and fix stuff. After 6 weeks I told her I want a divorce as it was beyond repair (and since turns out she was still seeing someone else during this time!)

About 6 weeks ago, I started talking to a girl from work. She in her own words, described herself as a massive slag so I knew from the outset we were going to be having sex.
We had very strict rules around no feelings, this was a fwb thing, but I’m not normally like that and quickly the little texts turned into full blown convos, then phones calls, then nightly video calls (non sexual) and this weekend it was finally “go time”.
I travelled to hers, felt relaxed, felt calm, had some worries in my head I might cum quickly as it had been a while and she made me really relaxed about that stuff as we are 100% no filter honest with each other.
We got to the bedroom and during foreplay I was fine but as soon as it came to penetrate, I lost my erection and that was that. Thankfully she was really cool about it all and explained she can’t orgasm through penetration (has her own psychological worries around control) and she actually has only ever had an orgasm through penetration twice in her life- we are both mid to late 30s, so even if I had been able to penetrate she still would need to finish herself with her vibe.
We did lots of foreplay and enjoyed each others company both sexual and none sexual, had a fantastic time doing everything but penetration on the Sunday. On the Monday after some serious amounts of foreplay (I’m 6’4, she’s 5’1 which brings it’s own logistical issues) I put her in doggy and I was able to penetrate but I came within about 1.5 minute… I felt like a failure, I felt like I couldn’t give her what I should be able too and generally got in my head. But she is still coming back to me… So all I will say is that just being TOTALLY honest with this girl and tell her your worries. If she doesn’t respect you and listen and instead takes the piss or goes off on one, then that’s her issue. I’ve joined this course to see if I can solve my ed and pe issues but after this weekend, I’ve realised finding someone who you can be totally open with, honestly is better than any orgasm has ever made me feel. Sex isn’t EVERYTHING in a relationship (even a fwb is a relationship) but it is a big part of it. Sex comes in many forms and find what works for the two of you. She was by the end of Monday evening saying can she just have my tongue to keep haha, she was MORE than satisfied with just that and I truly think it’s because we have just been so open with each other. Post nut clarity made us realise we are actually in a “situationship” but we are both cool with it, as it’s not a bad situation to be in
we just take each day as it is and don’t put any pressure on each other. I hope you find something of help in my rambling :joy:. What I’m trying to say is sex needs honesty so talk to her about it and your fears and ask her what she truly likes as most women I have slept with/spoken to openly about, many of the them don’t actually enjoy penetration!


You’ve written my story ! Exactly.