I am a 30 year old man in a wonderful monogamous relationship with the most wonderful woman. I also happen to live with Obsessive Complusive Disorder. This issues gives me a lot of very vivid uncomfortable and unwanted thoughts, one of which is the fear of being unable to perform. I have used viagra before to treat this but last night when we were having sex I was having trouble getting hard even with the medication. While we ended up having pleasurable sex I felt embarassed and asked for reassurance which is a compulsion I do when I get anxious.
I also have begun an obsessive fear that I have ruined my chances of getting hard by taking medicine and/ or that I will never be able to get hard again and that I will be left because of that. However, it also has shown to me that my erection issues are completely mental. I just downloaded the app today and I really want to work on building my confidence and helping myself relax so I can get hard but also don’t want to over pressurize myself (my girlfriend is also not pressuring me at all she’s an angel)
Does anyone else struggle with OCD? Does anyone have any tips on relaxation to help get hard ?
Hey friend.
I am 32, have been struggling with ED for 15 years, hugely compounded by generalized anxiety disorder, major depression, and piles of obsessive/compulsive behaviors, most prominently crippling Depressive Rumination. I too am in a monogomous long term relationship with a wonderful woman. I have also added Sildenafil to my arsenal in these last two years.
That said, in all of my (obsessive) study and analysis of “the situation”, I would profess over and over that any mote of success I’ve achieved has been through honest and straightforward communication. Without turning a perfectly good day sour, I try to communicate with my partner about my fears, triggers, ruminations, etc while I am in a non-obsessive mode, while I feel calm and can effectively describe what crazy thoughts and behavior I fall prey to. In doing so, she better understands our mutual enemy, “the crazies”, and is better equipped to help me in the time of need. It isn’t a perfect system, nobody can truly read minds, but for that 1 in 10 occasion that she sees that darkness forming and says exactly what I need to hear to resolve the obsessive self doubt before it takes root, well hot damn, what a victory. It can be a lot of pressure for her, so be sure she isn’t overwhelmed by the task of protecting you from yourself. But a relationship takes two, yeah? And love is a most potent magic.
Stay strong!
P.S. meant to followup about the Sildenafil, I think it is a useful tool to build confidence, I recommend keeping to the lowest effective dose, and maintain the discipline to keep trying once in awhile without it keep a finger on the pulse of your bottom-line. Sometimes I wish I had taken it when I didn’t, other times I feel like I didn’t need to when I did. The real charm is when I don’t, and things work out the way everyone wants.
Count Every Victory
Sex should be an enjoyable experience. If you are inside your head worries about your errection it won’t happen. Sometimes for me I have to remind myself that not everything or everyone is perfect so why should I be? I know it’s easier said than done however tell yourself to relax and enjoy your beautiful girlfriend. Try and feel the emotional connection that brings the two of you together. Usually that helps me relax when I’m worried about performing, also trusting yourself that your body is fully functional and will respond when it’s ready. But there is nothing wrong with taking it slow and enjoying all aspects of intimacy. Who knows you may find a new type of fireplace that gets you rock hard!
I’m in the same boat as you. Meds don’t work. My girlfriend is very attractive and I want to please her but I have what I describe as a disconnect between my head that wants in the worst way to please her and my penis.
I’m at my wits end and have been this way for many years and caused my marriage to inevitably end.
I can’t go through that again.
Any and all help is appreciated and welcome. 
Yes! I have OCD as well, and what you have described is the exact scenario that I have struggled through, too. This program does work! Consistency is the key though. The issue I have is, I start the program I am able to have great sex, then I don’t stick with the program to achieve complete success. So I am coming back every few months. Our problem is the double whammy of having OCD as well. So I’m sure as you know, when we get in our head with repetitive thoughts, we really get in our head!! Do you take anything for your OCD? Getting that under control and getting the repetitive thoughts under control really go hand in hand with curing, the performance anxiety. Make sure you communicate everything with your girlfriend/ wife as well. It really helps relieve a lot of the stress. It’s embarrassing and not fun but it really does help
Same here man 
I’m actually 18. I have diagnosed OCD, the same as yours, where we struggle with thoughts that just seem so real. I’m fully healthy, but when i’m with a girl, my focus just shifts to my erection. I would love to hear of more experiences too
I believe my ed is a mental problem as it came on at exactly the time I split up with my wife of 20 years.that was then the thought of you shouldn’t be doing anything with anyone else although there was no reason not to. Sildenafil , I started on half a tab a few years back after I found a beautiful new girlfriend just so I could please her more , even though she never said anything was wrong and we had great sex. Not always perfect but still great. She’s very understanding too. After a couple of maybe tired days ? when he didn’t perform as I’d hoped. We all get tired. I started on whole tablets which works great but now I have the problem I can go for ever but not cum . Which at times is as much a problem so I’ve started taking less again and try to get my head back to where it was at the beginning. Half a tab last time was all I needed, and hopefully get back to none soonish
Thanks for sharing; I don’t have OCD (that I know of) but I get where you’re coming from as I have mind games that effectively neuter me. One mishap and I go from hard to nothing…with too long to revive.
I’ve done viagra as well and it has helped…but I don’t want to rely on it because I’m having my best sex life with my new partner in my whole life.
Hey brother this is me to a T. I have had OCD my entire life I have the Pure O one so my compulsions are mental compulsions. This started in November. I’m 45 YO healthy male married for 11 years with 2 kids. Been a cialis/viagra user recreationally since my late 20’s but not all the time. For me the viagra works great but it’s true you have to be relaxed and not anxious. Remember viagra works on blood flow alone. I wish they would make one that also relaxed your brain from anxiety. I’m also having obsessions relating to erection while on Viagra. I’ve only had one episode where it didn’t work as it should but eventually I relaxed and was able to finish the job but it did leave a bad taste in my mouth as part of my OCD is critiquing my performances which just sends me down the rabbit hole of researching everything solutions, injections, testosterone when there is nothing physically wrong with me. You don’t want to take SSRI’s as those really cause boner and orgasm issues. So far the deep breathing helps in the moment as opposed to freaking out, also talking to your partner about it is key. I let my wife know almost right away and she doesn’t pressure me and also kind of acts as my private sex therapist. If you know of anything else let me know
Hey man, I don’t have OCD per se but I do have a serious case of ADHD and it aggravates the little voices in my head that get me super anxious about sex. I’m barely on my third day with the program, but I can see how tackling this from a psychology perspective can be the correct approach. Sure, meds to improve performance can be helpful sometimes but I think must uf us know that when is us alone we don’t even have a problem getting an erection. Let’s take it one day at the time and work this out together. It feels me with hope seeingsome of you guys talk about the little victories you have had in your road to overcome ED and I know we all are gonna make it if we stick to the treatment.
Hey! I have OCD too!
For me, the triggers aren’t sex specific, but some of my obsessions center around feeling tightness, so as soon as any amount of anxiety pops up, I start looping and lose any erection potential.
OCD is different from your typical anxiety in the sense that effective treatment typically involves exposure and response prevention therapy.
It sounds like you have a wonderful partner who is understanding and would be willing to help you work through some of these fears. That’s a huge win.
Yes! Progressive muscle relaxation, box breathing, meditation, exercise, and therapy with somebody who really knows OCD, sex therapy, and social anxiety is really helpful. We’re gonna get through this!
I just responded to another OCD thread, ED seems to be a problem for many of us that have it.
I am currently reading the book “you are not a rock” by Mark Freeman and finding it to be helpful with OCD in general. Basically you have to accept uncertainty and let the thoughts happen (don’t fight or argue with them) but don’t let them affect you. I would recommend getting the book.
One VERY important thing, you need to develop skills that will help you tackle ANY form of OCD. It might seem like your erection is your main theme, and once you fix that everything will be sunshine and rainbows, but you will just jump to another theme. You likely have many other themes that you don’t even notice because they are currently very small compared to your “main” one. It took me a while to realize this.
Mindfulness, accepting uncertainty, and accepting that your thoughts are just thoughts, and do not necessarily reflect on reality or your beliefs, will go a long way. Simply fixing your erection is very unlikely to fix all your problems, even if you are currently certain it will.
I also suffer from obsessive thoughts and is hand in hand with my anxiety. I get disappointed in myself when I can’t perform, and I get in my head when I know I will have sex. What works well for me and helps, is having sex when you have a natural erection like in the morning or when your partner comes onto you randomly. I heavily obsess over performance, and I feel in these situations, there is no pressure…
I am 22. Had my first girlfriend when I was 18. Both of us have never had sex before. We started to have a little foreplay, during which I felt comfortable and was completely ready for having sex. We didn’t try it back then, but we have arranged it for the next time. During that second time I didn’t have a desire to have sex, but I rather was ready “to finaly become a man”, so without any foreplay we went for it, and “bam” I couldn’t get hard. That was so embarrasing to me, so I became obsessed with that situation. Almost 5 years have gone by, I had not many dating attempts, but recently I tried to had sex twice with different women: 3 months ago and today, and I just couldn’t get hard during foreplay both of the times. A weird feeling down there, which makes my penis scared, is present, so I wouldn’t mind fixing that.
I have OCD and, while I haven’t taking medication for ED, I have intrusive thoughts over performance. My partner is amazing and will offer reassurance if I need and will allow me to take the time I need although I feel as though it’s made our sex life more of a scheduled event other than spontaneous. I find mindfulness techniques help and would recommend doing them, though you need to begin practising in your normal life first
I am married to the most beautiful woman, who loves me more than I deserve. I want to overcome this debilitating problem because it leaves me feeling horrible and her frustrated, but having to comfort me instead of feeling her feelings. It is unfair to her, and I want it to finally end.
I had similar thoughts. I can really recommend the meditation section of this app. I use it almost every day and it really improved my view on sex and confidence towards my errections. Hope that helps
I’m in the same boat. have persistent obsessive fear about not being able to get it up or finish. it makes the idea of sex very mentally challenging and not arousing.
i’m going through the course and also trying to break the pattern of avoiding sex out of fear.
if i can feel confident enough to initiate/welcome sex even though i might not get it up, to make the most of whatever my penis feels like doing, and to not judge myself based on whether i got an erection or came, then i’m hoping that things will get better.
The trouble with intrusive thoughts is that you can end up the focus can quickly go from the above to “i don’t think i’m confident or relaxed enough, this won’t work.” but i’m aware of that too and working on it.
All the best mate x
Anxiety / Depression combined with low self esteem, food issues , selling my house ,splitting up with my long term partner of 18 years, off sick from work , infection in my testicles which needed 3 lots of antibiotics which I allowed to get worse 1 because I thought it would improve and 2 because of my self loathing. The cause I believe brought on by excessive masturbation one day.
I have had a self imposed 3 year hiatus of misery combined with the fear of intimacy and eventually met someone who brought back all my fears which she had no idea about.
We eventually had sex after a number of failures brought on by myself. It was not amazing but penetration occured not like a barbers pole but enough to say yes I’m on the right road even though withdrawal terrified me thinking it will not get efficient enough to carry on . Nightmare. .Eventually I became aware that at the moment fear and anxiety arrive your body protects you by shifting blood to the areas your body needs IE fight or flight.Obviously your penis is not a priority so try to be part of the moment. There will be no scorecards at the end of the bed held up neither will death occur.
Porn and masturbation increased my dopamine requirement. This self love may be satisfying but when someone else is involved and their hands wander. It’s the perfect storm for failure when combined with anxiety.
I changed my diet plenty of veg, meat and fluids not excessive just more good items and started exercising.just to try and help myself with no idea where it would lead .
Positive reinforcement is the antidote to my negativity. Any small gains from polishing your shoes to long walks are all a kick.in the teeth for misery as you take baby steps in the right direction .
Previously I’ve been to the doctor with my issues. Mother Nature has come slowly back into my life and it’s a blessing I never knew would occur.
The non existent penis issues destroyed my self worth and dignity. I hope small baby steps help.