Not much sensitivity in my glans or something else?

I’m 43 years old and lost my virginity last year. In my first sexual encounter, I lost my erection just before doing the deed.

I’m not really sure if it was from anxiety or something else, but while she was showering, I was waiting in the bedroom and shaking with fear. So I guess the first time it could could’ve been about anxiety and nervousness as well as worry about performance.

The nerves definitely lessened after I had a few more sessions, but I still lost my erection. This was with and without condoms. Cialis helped in the beginning and on the upside I was able to have sex without losing my erection a few times without taking any.

I do need to preface that I’ve only had one sexual partner, and at that time I had phimosis which is a tight non-retractable foreskin. I have since been able to retract my foreskin. So with my next partner it’ll be a slightly different experience as I should be able to feel more.

My guess is the lack of sensitivity in the glands isn’t helping things. But can that be fixed?

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I have never come from sex or blowjobs. I can easily make myself come if I masturbate. I guess I should’ve mentioned this a bit earlier.

Oh and morning wood is not a problem!

It’s really hard to pinpoint what the problem could be.

  1. Could it be the lack of sensitivity in my glans?
  2. Is it anxiety and nervousness?
  3. Is my dick to use to the feeling of my hand after 20+ years of just masturbating?
  4. Were the condoms too tight? (I’m 7.2”x5.5”)

If this is in the wrong section, LMK

Numbness or lack of feeling in your dick is something I have experienced. I’ve gone thru about 1/2 the Mojo app’s exercises and found that I was not relaxing and enjoying sensuality around my penis. I was just wanking. And I’m a very sensitive and empathic/intuitive guy, so this doesn’t go together. I had to slow down, do the breathing exercises, do the Sensate focus exercises, practice with fantasy (and no porn), and really get in touch with how things feel and come back to old ‘feather touch’ masturbation techniques (light touch) that I used to do when I was younger and had more time. That worked for me. When you’re anxious, the penis can get hypersensitive or numb in a bad way–mine does that. It’s a protection mechanism so it doesn’t get hurt (and you don’t get hurt emotionally too). You avoid things or will not be hurt by things if you’re numb. I think a large part of it is just the anxiety and need to practice and experience / exposure to positive experiences and setting those up for yourself. Avoiding negative experiences.
I also don’t like blowjobs and have heard “oh you haven’t had a blowjob from me yet” countless times. It’s just an impersonal experience and I like making out and mutual masturbation better because there is more connection for me on that front. That turns me on. Sitting back while someone impersonally vacuum’s my dick with all those uncomfortable hypersensitive/numbness feelings is not what I think sounds like a good time.

Thanks for your thoughtful reply.

The numbness from being anxious and not being in the moment is very interesting and I never heard of that connection before. I’ve actually just bought myself a Fleshlight to move away from the hand to dick connection. My thinking is that I’ve been wanking the same way for my whole life and that specific feeling is all I know. I’m gonna lay off the porn too. It would be nice to be able to get aroused without any visual aids. I’ll probably just use the Fleshlight/wank once per week to let the horniness build up.