MY STORY - 25 Year Old with New Girlfriend - ED and Performance Anxiety

Hi everyone. I’m new to Mojo, and would like to share my story. I’ve only shared it with a few others, and they are just as weirded out by it as I am.

I’m 25 years old, and just got my first real girlfriend at the beginning of February. She’s super hot, and is everything I’m looking for in a girl and more. I got her around the same time I got fired from my project management job. I did freelance videography on the side, but now, since I have no kids, I’m giving this whole freelance gig a shot and created my own video business. It’s been stressful, but not too stressful.

So I made my own biz and got a new gf basically in the same week. Lots of changes in a short period of time. Before her, I have not has much experience in sex other than a handful of drunk hookups in college which usually did not end with an ejaculation on my end. So sex with someone I genuinely love is pretty new to me.

We tried to have sex after the first few dates, and I would get hard, but not hard enough. She would be devastated and thought that I was not attracted to her. Over time, I have had many discussions with her about this and how this is my issue and has nothing to do with her. She understands it better now, and calms me down if I’m angry at myself for not getting hard during sex. She’s a huge help, but I’m curious as to why I’m still not getting fully hard.

Whenever we try to have sex, it works about 50%-60% of the time. The other times, my penis doesn’t get up, or just goes limp during penetration. I’m so attracted to her, so I have no idea whats going on. Even when I jerk off, it takes forever to get up, and it’s never fully hard. Before I had her as my girlfriend, I was able to jerk off and get hard no problem. Even today, still can’t get fully hard when I jerkoff. I can’t even get fully hard when she rubs my penis or gives me oral sex. it just goes limp. The only times I’m able to get hard is when her and I lay next to each other named and kiss.

So sex can still happen, but its pretty uneventful and quick. We are both keeping a positive mind and she is very supportive of me, but I’m getting so sick of worrying if it’s going to work or not. Still not totally sure if this is physical or psychological. If it’s a physical issue, then why does it sometimes work and sometimes won’t? If its psychological, why can’t I get hard on my own? My testosterone levels are fine, and I workout regularly and eat very well.

My buddy who I’ve talked about this with thinks its a nerve issue, because he went through something similar. I usually get morning wood like once or twice a week, but never get random erections throughout the day. I’m also not nearly as horny as I used to be.

Any advice helps!!

Since this seems to have come on with the first girlfriend and the new business, I’d guess it’s psychological and possibly feeding on stress, but it would be good to make sure there isn’t a physical condition with a checkup. If mojo exercises aren’t helping enough, have you considered therapy?

You’re young and very much learning how this all works, so I’d recommend talking honestly with your partner about where you’ve been, where you’re at, how you each feel about sex, what your expectations are, what you like, what you want, etc. An open dialog may help open you up quite a bit.

It also sounds like this is weighing on you quite heavily, so trying to relax and let go of that pressure could also help a lot. I’ve found meditation and breathing exercises (mostly through Headspace) to be a really important foundation to understanding when I’m calm or anxious, and that practice also instills a sense of accepting things as they are rather than stressing over how they were in the past or might be in the future, which is invaluable.

Most of all, be gentle with yourself. Be honest and open with your partner. You’ve got time to figure this out.


Just reading this made me feel so much better. Thank you for the support!! I know I’ll get through it.

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