I feel sad, ashamed and embarrased. I have performance anxiety-related ED, and last night it reared it’s ugly head. My wife and I are faced with potentially starting IVF on her next “day one.” This ovulation period is now, and she has been tracking. It peaked yesterday morning. So, theoretically, yesterday was our last shot to naturally conceive. I had intended on us going to the bedroom as soon as we got home yesterday, but we wound up in a lengthy discussion about my family coming over this weekend, and my family has always been a point of contention. She brought it up. Hours later, after an emotional discussion, dinner etc., once we were in bed, we had the emotional let down of the ovulation tracking being lower than anticipated. Had we missed the peak? We both, after some deliberation, decided that we would attempt to have “sex” in case we were going to miss the ovulation window. Neither of us wanted to at that point. We both masturbated until “ready”, and as soon as I mounted her, my anxiety kicked in and my erection went away. I dismounted, tried to breathe and bring it back, but failed. I simply said I’m sorry, and we both rolled over. I cried. She cried. We haven’t spoken yet. We were able to speak this morning and both expressed how sad, frustrated, embarassed, ashamed, worried etc. we are. This has been an ongoing problem where my anxiety of disappointing her and losing an erection is perpetuating itself into crippling ED in most attempts. We’ve had “good sex” in maybe 15% of our efforts over 5.5 years together. I am desperate and so sad. We are about to invest thousands upon thousands of dollars into IVF and I feel like it’s all because I haven’t been able to overcome my ED problem and give us a fair shot at natural conception. Our sexual intimacy is rock bottom, and we both acknowledge that is unsustainable for a marriage long term, yet we’re about to embark on trying to have a family. The emotional weight of this is heavy, and I need help. I suppose I’m just looking for anyone with relatable experience or a word of wisdom. Anyone have any input on how to move forward? Thanks.
I’m not in the same boat as you regarding the IFV or starting a family, but I feel the same as you in regards to letting my partner down and it creating a cycle where I do let her down. I hope someone on here can give you the words of wisdom you need, I just wanted to reply and say thank you for sharing and you helped me relate to my problems and feel less alone. Thank you.
Use the mental exercises on here that get to the root cause of the psychological ED. You’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself which only exacerbates the anxiety etc. I would try the meditation series, there’s one for performance anxiety, getting out of your head, turning negative thoughts positive. I think those can help (esp the negative thoughts one). Do a meditation each day, they do help to change your way of thinking. Best of luck to you.