My girlfriend talked to me about the impact erection issues are having on her. She shared how it impacts how sexy she thinks of herself when I lose my erection or I can’t cum. She thinks if she were better at creating animalistic desire, I would be super turned on, I would keep my erection and definitely reach orgasm. So, it’s like a hit to her sexual ego when I can’t finish.
At the time, I told her that I definitely appreciated knowing what’s going on with her and how my erection issues are affecting her. A couple of days later, though, I avoided sex because it seemed too risky that I would either lose my erection in the middle of sex or not be able to reach orgasm. I didn’t want to disappoint her and also have to deal with disappointment myself, with the new pressure to perform to finish.
So, it was a bit of a milestone in our relationship: it’s the first time I’ve avoided sex in the 5 months we’ve been together and it created a major setback for me.
The real bummer is that we just came off a good week of sex! We had sex 5 times during the week and I was starting to feel more confident (except for the last time, when I couldn’t finish, which prompted the conversation).
The avoidance of sex, for fear of failure has happened with me. So you are not alone.
Using this app has given me more confidence and I have had great results.
Avoidance is still there a little, but I’m on an upward spiral.
My approach at the moment is, rather than avoiding thoughts of sex … it’s to accelerate them… using the “simmering” concept… I suppose… facing my fear and staying ready to “rock”. Also this means paying attention to partner, making them feel wanted…and that boosts their confidence and self esteem. A win-win can happen.
You’ll get there…….
It is paradoxical right? A friend with whom i was sleeping shared with me how she felt about me only being able to cum with a hand job, and that made me very avoidant to trying to have sex with her again because now I not only worry about not pleasuring her, but also about making her feel bad about herself. Our brain is definitely not helping in this one