Hi guys, I’m M (23y), I had a 5y relationship - I was satisfied with my erection, I only didn’t last as long as I wanted (maybe too high libido + unexperienced with controlling ejaculation).
Last year I was single after the relationship and I wanted to experience with new girls. But I was kinda afraid. Everything was ok but when it come to sex, we dropped the clothes and I got nervous and lost my erection.
I tried to overcome this problem on my own throughout the year 2021. I did well, I realized that I just need to relax and enjoy the moment. Until I met a wonderful girl, and I was putting extreme pressure on myself and my performance. I wasn’t able to stay hard, I was stuck in my head with the fight or flight mode on. I couldn’t overcome it and I was trying harder which led to creating sex in my mind as some extremely anxious situation.
I was at home, constantly thinking about it, and about what is wrong with me. Will I ever be able to enjoy sex again? Why do I have to face these problems? I tried to masturbate at home, but I was so anxious that I didn’t really want to masturbate, I just wanted to prove to myself that I can stay hard on my own as I used to. But even in this solo situation, I got stuck in my head because I was constantly thinking about it in my mind. I tried a few times in a week, putting unnecessary pressure on myself again which led to viewing masturbation as an anxious act I guess.
Now I would like to regain back my libido. It’s been 2 months and still, nothing really changed. I think that with my libido back I could overcome the problem of getting it up. Because when I try to go out with the girl I already view that it can end in bed and that I won’t get it up and fail.
My ED problems are only psychological, I got it from performance anxiety which I got because I think “what if I don’t last enough”. And then the ED led to completely losing libido.
What should I focus on first, please? I’m part of this community for just a week, but I’d love to do my best. I have a strong hope that I can overcome it, just don’t know where to start since I have more issues that I struggle with.