Losing It Right Before Penetration

🍆 Erection issues
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Hey all. I assume this question, or something like it, has been asked a few times here but I’m very new to Mojo and just wanted to fish for some insight or advice. Apologies that this post ended up being a little long.

I was inspired to start using Mojo because I’ve just started dating someone who is practically my dream girl and I keep losing my erection right before penetration. And although I’ve had erection issues quite a bit in the past, I’m finding this to be particularly devastating.

For context, she was someone I used to notice around when I was at university and I’ve had a huge crush on her for almost a decade. Stunning goth girl who’s into black metal and BDSM, covered in tattoos and piercings; what more could a millennial guy want. We ended up flatting together for a bit about a year ago and became super close, even after we moved apart. After attending a concert together last November we ended up having sex back at the accommodation we were sharing. I was able to get it up for a little while and fuck her until I just felt too drunk and exhausted to continue. But we both had a great time and agreed to try again when we were both rested and sober.

Thing is, since then, I haven’t been able to have penetrative sex with her. The sex is incredible right up to the point where she asks me to fuck her or I feel like I’m good to go. I’ll get rock hard during foreplay and think, “Okay, this time I’m ready to go - I’m so turned on there’s no way I could lose it now.” But I do, every time - either when I’ve put on the condom or right when I’m about to enter her. It just disappears suddenly without an obvious reason and doesn’t come back for the rest of the night.

I’m so grateful that she’s been massively supportive and doesn’t seem to mind - more than I can say for some partners I’ve had in the past. We’re both kinky and have a lot of sexy stuff we can do that doesn’t involve an erection.

But I do feel like I’m falling in love with her and all I want to do is be inside her and give us both that pleasure. She’s told me how much she loves being fucked and I really feel like I’m letting her down by not being able to give her that (which makes me worry about the future). Plus having my fantasy girl naked in bed with me practically begging me to give it to her and my dick running away every damn time doesn’t do much for one’s self-worth.

Long story short, I feel like this is a pretty common issue so…for those who experience this type of ED - losing it right before penetration - what were the things that helped you get over this and actually get it in? In terms of Mojo, were there any activities or things you learned form the programme that you now use when you run into this issue?

Thanks for reading and to anyone who feels inspired to comment.

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I’ve been dealing with the same problem for about 2.5 years now, and I just can’t seem to overcome it. I experience erectile loss right at the moment of penetration, and I would give anything for this to go away. I’ve been in a healthy relationship for 4 years, but sometimes I feel very inadequate, useless, and incomplete because of it. I don’t know how to get past this, which is why I came here.

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Hopefully someone in this group will have some expertise is this area, as that I’m dealing with very similar complications. It’s now to the point where I’m afraid to even try to initiate sex because I’m not trying to let her down. This is the only time I’ve ever experienced this in my life and it’s incredibly frustrating for the both of us.

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I’ve experienced the same thing, and have made a lot of improvements…

I’m in an ethically non monogamous relationship - I have a girlfriend and we both also date other people. I get rock hard almost instantly with my gf, but had issues getting and maintaining erections with other partners. It lead to a lot of anxiety and avoidance of other relationships. It took a lot of internal work, greatly reducing porn watching, and some key tools from mojo (reminding myself that the negative thoughts about erections are ”just thoughts”, sensate focus and penis root masturbation to name a few). The biggest help I noticed was finding ways to enjoy my time with other partners and connecting with them outside of the bedroom first.

Hopefully offering a suggestion isn’t out of line, but maybe schedule a few dates with your girl and, either explicitly tell her or keep it to yourself, take sex off the table for the night. Just focusing on enjoying her without trying to use your cock and that might alleviate some of the pressure!

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It’s great that you have other activities that get her (and you!!?) off.
Same story. I’ve gotten pretty good at oral and she loves my fingers. I’ve even bought a coupe toys that she really enjoys too!

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I feel you on that one, big time. I’m in a long distance relationship and I was able to visit him last year. And during foreplay I was so hard, it was so much fun and god it was good. But then came the time to finally put it inside him, got on my knees… and lost it. It felt awful. I’m lucky that he pulled me in and we made out and cuddled for an hour. I’m hoping with this, next time I see him, I’ll be able to have sex with him. But as you said, it’s also good that there are so many other ways to please each other, and that sex isn’t the only thing in the world

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Yeah I love fingering and oral sex is probably my favourite thing ever. But I’ve actually only ever had an orgasm once with her but I’m hoping to change that. I guess I feel so guilty about not performing that I can’t ask for what I want or need because I feel like I haven’t done my job? Trying to get over those feeling though because I deserve pleasure too. Just doesn’t feel like it at the time.

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Hey thanks so much for your message and suggestions; those are really helpful.

We’re non-monogamous as well but keeping things exclusive for the time-being while we feel into the relationship. I’m excited to date other people and maybe explore group sex with her but feeling like I’m nowhere near up to that at the moment with my erection issues. But hopefully one day.

From my experiences with non-mono/poly relationships in the past, there are definitely different types of arousal that happen with different partners. The main thing to keep in mind, and one of the beautiful things about non-mono, is that everyone is unique in their likes and desires, so being able to have those different and unique experiences can open doors within your own sexuality that you never knew existed.

Not out of line at all, that’s a great suggestion. I think my approach is next time we have sex I’ll not even think about using my dick and maybe do some kinky stuff instead and see where that leads.

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Hey bro, thanks so much for sharing. Looks like we’re definitely not alone in this so I’m sure we’ll get on top of this stuff eventually.

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Thanks for sharing that. Yeah those feelings are definitely familiar ones for me. Seems to be lots of good insight on this issue so we’ll get there with time. Try not to rush things and be kind to yourself in the meantime.

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Oh yeah, I can definitely resonate with that. Great that he was understanding and gave you that touch and reassurance you needed though. And yeah, definitely opportunities to let your kinky side out or try sexy or sensual things that don’t involve penetration. Hang in there, dude. And thanks for sharing.

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