Loosing sex connection with wife

I’ve been married for 10 years and my wife always says she enjoys sex. I focus on making sure she comes and I think she appreciates that. However, I feel our sex connection could be much higher. I come too fast and that’s an issue, and we tend to always lesve sex for a quickly 20 mins (incl foreplay) before going to bed.

A part of me believes I should be rocking her world, and perhaps that’s why I feel I’m not good in bed. I’ve read that women are multi orgasms but I’ve never experienced that with my wife. I feel I’m just going through life without experiencing the full potential of sex and how that can benefit us as a couple.

Am I the only one?


I struggle with the same thing man you should try kegels do them daily I’ve suffered from lifelong PE and kegels have helped slightly.

Let’s be easy on ourselves. Our expectations can be killers ….

In terms of orgasms

  • not all women are multi orgasmic and do they need or want to be anyway?
  • her orgasms needn’t involve your dick - you can cum whenever and she can still get an orgasm ( or two…) from other stimulations (or can learn too…) I would think

Her enjoyment does not rest with you and you alone…

It’s a mutual journey and each has a part…


I’ve been going through something similar in my relationship. After kids my wife just seemed less and less interested in sex, up to the point I stopped trying except for special occasions. I can tell you from experience that isn’t the right way to go. Here we are 10 years later and in couples therapy where I’m finding out how much resentment my wife has towards our relationship because her needs have changed and what was working and good in the beginning is now, and thus always was, insufficient and wrong. Leaving me feeling like I’ve been a terrible husband and partner for 20+ years.

Do yourself a favor and start talking with your wife about her satisfaction with the marriage, not the sex. Maybe she’s not feeling connected to you and so isn’t as into having sex and needs you to show up for her in non-sexual ways in order to feel that connection. Don’t wait start talking. It may be hard to do and the conversations may be hard to hear, but if you love her and want a long life with her you need to put in the effort. Don’t let 10 years go by in silence like I did. Don’t let anger or frustration over the situation cause you to loose someone you love. Communicate, be clear how you feel and how willing you are to do the work to make things better.

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Thanks for this advice.

I have, after much internal agonizing, just today started a conversation with my partner. I was very worried about what she might have to say. It started with my mojo experience and her interest in supporting me through this - so sex based to start with. I didn’t hear what I wanted to hear at all … and this broadens the discussion to wider issues. I have been scared of this discussion and putting it off … but you know, it feels so much better to have it in the open - we can now discuss how best to take things forward and say what’s on our minds. I think we’ll find a way where we can each enjoy the relationship. If we had not discussed it I would still be ripping myself up internally which is much worse.

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My wife got her IUD removed after almost 25 years of marriage and three kids and I feel like she is 20 again. I was going through all the same things you guys are describing here and didn’t know what would happen long term after kids left the house. I’m just throwing that out there because artificial hormones can really ruin a marriage…she says it all the time. She had no idea how much of her caring nature had been suppressed.

I’m glad you started the conversation. I’m rooting for you to get your relationship back on track.

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