Insecurity with size

I never had ED issues until I started a new relationship. His penis is considerably larger than mine and it causes me a lot of anxiety and insecurity. I think this is a source of my ED issues. Anyone else ever deal with this?

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Oh yeah. Size insecurity is a huge thing. My early experiences were with guys with much bigger cocks. Like 6th grade truth or dare and my friend was rocking 8.5 inches. And it’s everywhere – sitcoms, stand-up comedians, online, exes and past partners who shame you. Even though I’ve been with people smaller than me, people who couldn’t take me anally, people that like my dick, you always feel like it’s not enough. Personally, I don’t like big dicks and find smaller ones easier to work with all around. I also try to make sure people don’t feel bad about size cumming fast, their body, etc. But not everyone is so kind. And it’s those unkind experiences, even if they are less than the kind or positive ones, that have the greatest impact on us. At least you have someone who is interested and in a relationship with you. Trust that they like you as a whole. You’re more than just a dick, and you probably satisfy him in many ways, not just sexually. And having that connection will make the sex better. Believe in yourself and try not to worry about the size difference. You’re more than your cock, and he likes you for you.

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It all comes down to looking for any reason to compare… Fitter, bigger dick etc etc.

I guess different people are into different things. Tbh I worry about me if I’m dmaller, but if it’s the other way round the thought never enters my head.
Some of the best sex I’ve had is with people smaller, size doesn’t make it better but it gets stereotyped by everyone about being important.

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Definitely understand the size issue. I’m 6’5 with 5.5 inch. Guys always assume I must be big and then I tell them I’m not hung and then I can’t get hard so it becomes a cycle of shame.

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Average dick on a 6’4" frame is what i struggle with as well. I underatand that it works but it seems misproportioned and that people expect more.

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I would ask your partner what he likes about your penis. Chances are he’s not going to mention size, and that could give you a confidence boost. I look at things like the shape and smoothness of the head, the proportion between the head and the shaft, the curvature, etc. And honestly i prefer penises that are average or slightly smaller than average. Both oral and anal can be a pain (literally) with a dick that’s too big.

I’m gonna sound really arrogant now and I apologise but hopefully it’ll help us all to be honest …I’m considered really handsome (Italian and welsh genes), I’m physically in very good shape, hairy chest and generally considered a DILF apparently. However, my penis is 5 inches erect and despite the fact I am lucky enough to have loads of (really hot) men wanting sex with me on repeat, my penis size anxiety is getting worse and is affecting my erections. I have been told by maybe 3 or 4 men that I’m too small and I am certain men have also blocked/ghosted in social media when they see my pics. Most men however, don’t seem to care and want to meet me regularly. They tell me they like my penis/ they don’t care about size/ that I’m fit but in my mind I’m convinced they’re just decent men who are kind but secretly disappointed. I’m really trying to understand how I can accept that I’m on the left of the size bell curve and yet at the same time can be considered really attractive to a huge number of men. Size anxiety is such an important thing we don’t ever talk about so I’m on a mission with guys, both being honest about my own anxiety or their own. It’s such bs fuelled by porn, but apps like Grindr perpetuate as they won’t allow you to add hashtag “small” or “unhung” (yet count the times we see “hung”!). Most of the websites offering support on penis size anxiety (eg NHS) are heteronormative in tone (‘reassuring’ about seeing flaccid penises in the changing room - ignoring how gay men can get up close and intimate with a massive penis!). I’ve had sex with guys who are much smaller than me and I have loved it - great sexual chemistry and really good physical fun with a smaller guy, so for me it really, really doesn’t matter if he’s smaller - yet I cannot switch that thinking. Hopefully this app will continue to help me.

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Im kinda in the shame boat - I imagine men are really disappointed that I don’t have a massive penis. But it is just my imagination and most guys seem genuinely keen to see me again (I have a great number of partners) but I cannot shake off the anxiety and that is really affecting my erections.

All the time mate, and it’s a constant battle. I’m really grateful you posted this. I don’t know what the answer is but I guess one way to address it is to have a very frank, open discussion. I have many partners and I have started to talk more openly about my anxiety with them (and I’m surprised by how many big guys are also anxious - too big to fit/causing pain/have to perform/objectified for their penis/keeping it hard/have to perform as a top etc etc).

:clap::clap::clap: I’m exactly the same! I’m 6’8" and have a totally average length penis. I get frustrated because as tall people, we kind of get fetishised—“he must be so hung being that tall”. This is the core root of my challenges keeping it up, I’m sure, and I get in my head about it that I’m a let down because I’m not packing what you’d consider a big penis.

Gay body culture though is a big issue and has a lot to answer for. The fantasy of the hung penis comes up everywhere as a cliche throw-away comment but I think it’s doing a lot of damage in the community. I, personally, couldn’t care about someone’s size and wish we could move past the conversation of glorifying the hung.

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I think that most gay guys have an unrealistic expectation of penis size but we are most critical on ourselves. I used to worry about my girth not so much length and it became a bit of an obsession. I have realised since that looking back I’ve never had any complaints with previous sexual partners and when I was able to get hard they were satisfied.

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Totally agree, and same goes here - I’ve never had any evidence to suggest that partners aren’t satisfied or care that it isn’t large. We are the hardest on ourselves, totally. I’m very happy to say that I’m already experiencing a confidence boost doing this program. It’s nice that there’s a whole section of these forums for LGBTQIA+ because I think our challenges can be different.

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I’ve been insecure about my size for as long as I can remember. To add on to the insecurity, for years I watched big dick porn, and compared myself. I’m now understanding that really takes away from the pleasure I can give myself.

Fetishizing someone else’s dick size has given my inner critic fuel for way too long. The first thing my inner critic says when I touch my penis is that it’s not big enough.

I’ve never had any complaints from sexual partners either, but I rarely get a compliment that people really like my cock. That would be a confidence boost for sure. Maybe we need to be more complimentary of each other’s penises, especially when it’s not erect.

I tend to feel pretty disconnect from my dick. after years of feeling shame.

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Look, guys like you because of who you are. Sex is not all about dick size for many guys. The ones who need a bigger dick they will look for that type of guy. You can’t simply be everything for everybody.
I am a DILF with a 8” long an thick cock, and to be honest I hate when guys get excited after I show my dick pictures. It feels like they are more into the cock than me. To be honest it turns me off and I loose my erection when guys stare at my cock.

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Thanks man, that actually helps.

Yes I’ve heard that said by guys who are big. I try not to fetishise someone who is hung for that reason. I always feel inadequate compared, like he’d be kind or faking it. I don’t feel that about smaller men - but just assume that’s what bigger guys think of me. I worry because I’m (apparently) good looking and muscular build men assume I’ll be hung and they’re disappointed when they see I’m average, The whole thing is daft really.

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This topic really interests me. Just since I started at Mojo I’ve sort of stopped to wonder about this. I too am a tall guy with a totally average sized dick, maybe even a little on the thick side. Except for a short period of time while in college when I was having regular sex with a guy who all the men and women were after based on his looks, I have never had any issues with ED until I moved to South Florida where I became not average hung but small hung. I had a ton of sex there, almost always as a bottom because I really struggled with getting hard pretty much as soon as I moved there. In all seriousness, the average size of the guys living there was in the 7-7.5" range and many were truly huge. I think in the years I lived there I only saw 3-4 guys in my size range and I was having a lot of random sex.

I hope this conversation continues. I want to hear more of what other guys are feeling.

Now I’ve moved back to my home state and realisitic sized dicks but I still feel that maybe this size thing is following me, even among the guys I have sex with, I’m totally average. The ED thing keeps me in the passive role and I really want to break out of that.

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Fwiw, I’m very into my unhung heroes. I think a small cock is hot as hell. What you assume might me a turn off to your partners may actually be a huge turn on

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It’s really interesting because being into small dicks and unhung guys is almost taboo. For example, you can tag “hung” (or “dirty”, “ws”, “limits” etc) on Grindr but there’s no tag for “small” or “unhung”. I’ve written to them to suggest it but no one has got back to me. I’m an average guy but yes a fit guy with a small dick is really attractive.