I can’t keep an erection long enough to lose my virginity

Me and my gf have been together for over 2 years and we haven’t had sex yet. I think that she is the most amazing and perfect girl in the world and i love her with all my heart but every time we try to have sex i always end up getting soft when i put the condom on i feel useless and weak and i also feel like i’m a burden of a boyfriend and i don’t feel like i can talk to anyone abt it, idk guys this shit just sucks and idk what to do, does anyone have any advice?

This is coming from no expert just a teenager who also suffers, but have you tried masturbating with a condom? It might train your brain to realise that being hard with a condom is achievable. Idk nkt a professional just tryna give some advice

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I know exactly how you feel (especially the “burden of a boyfriend” part) because I’ve had similar thoughts and you’re not alone. The fact that you’re so worried about her and what she thinks makes me think you’re an awesome guy though. And clearly your gf does too if you’ve been together this long.
I think you need to focus on loving yourself. Think about it this way; treat yourself the same way you would treat her, i.e., someone amazing, valued, and worthy of being loved. Try to date yourself, what would you say to her if she said she felt useless or weak? You should try to love and comfort yourself in the same way you love and comfort her.


I suggest also trying to not loose sight of the point of sex at this stage - it’s for fun and enjoyment (pleasure) , bonding, connection etc etc assuming you’re not trying to make babies here. There’s amazing fun to have without penetration or even being hard for that matter - focus on the enjoyment (for both of you) and less on any given act. I think it may then, with time, begin to flow. Sounds like your gf is nice and supportive too … keeps those ones :-).

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you could try sensate exercise together with her, she seems like loving and understanding person, so she may agree on that. as I understand, this exercise is designed to overcome issues like that and both of you will benefit from it through building trust in bedroom and getting new ways of making love… Just read about this exercise here

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Have you tried a bigger condom? I struggled for months with my ex because I couldn’t fit into her extra thick/extra safe condoms as they are harder to stretch. I was fine with my standard ones as they stretch easier. I’d often lose my erection battling to fit into those thick condoms. Might be worth exploring if you’re a bigger guy haha