How to get over the anxiety

1

Hi,

I was in an accident last year and following the accident whether it was due to the stress of not having a vehicle for a bit of time, or finances, or the headache of insurance, or a physical injury, I had a few bouts of unexplained ED. We had sex multiple times a day every day but suddenly once every few days I’d not get hard or Id go limp mid way.

Unfortunately we were only months in to our relationship and her past was not kind to her. I’m empathetic and patient so I understood how a woman may feel awful and want to close off about such a topic. She tried to help once or twice with long foreplay or specific links but with no immediate relief every time she was discouraged.

This led to a very trying time in our relationship. After months of counselling as well as Mojo practice I thought I was rid of at least performance anxiety (I suffer from normal anxiety).

As of late we got pregnant so of course the stressors are present here and there, to get everything as best it can be for baby. But with them came the performance anxiety, with the added worry that she will feel she has lost her beauty as her belly grows.

I am horny on and off throughout most days but by the time our time comes around anxiety is ramped up so high unless I’m so horny I can’t stand it I generally just avoid making a move.

It’s killing me. I want to talk to her but again with the pregnancy Im so afraid she will feel it personal. Many men in her past have done her wrong, I just don’t want her to think I am after anything but her.

Does anyone at all have any advice or experience or even just words of wisdom. I just want to go back to having fun. She’s the best I’ve ever had and that’s why we are engaged and having a baby.

2

Sounds really rough for you both. I can empathize with pressures around pregnancy and the boner issues.

I understand your lady has been through a lot and that she might be internalizing what you are experiencing. Her own body changes and negative self talk surrounding this may be compounding her perception of your performance anxieties.

Honestly…be honest. Let her know how much you value her. It sounds like you want to hold space for her throughout and after the birth of your child, while also being supportive of her past traumas, AND without her internalizing your current challenges. I’d be radically honest with her.
Tell her this, but also tell her you are working past some of your own blocks and talk thru how they are unrelated to her. If you find these block are related to the relationship, you owe it to you both, and your new family, to work thru them. You will feel vulnerable. Thats ok, and this type of courage is a true mark of masculinity (even if our inner critic says otherwise). If its too difficult, get help. Find a couples therapist if needed to help facilitate the conversations.

I think the more you both talk and clear the air between you two, the closer you will become, emotionally, physically and beyond. Be there for her as much as you can, and then do some more. You may find owning up to these early responsibilites of fatherhood give you new perspective and the confidence to get over the performance anxieties. Congrats, Dad. You got this.