Everyone has different sexual preferences and some parts of sex are more exciting than others. Certain points can be pretty unexciting and that’s ok. It is common that in these moments guys struggle to keep it up.
If you have situational performance anxiety, how do you counteract your trigger? What do you do to keep the flow going?
Using condoms is something that can create anxiety for me. I always find them so fiddly and annoying. Just when you are getting into it, to have to try and put a condom on can be a real buzz kill…
One thing that I know can help is turning condoms into a bit of a game. Speaking openly with a partner, explaining that it can be an issue, and finding fun ways for them or you to put condoms on, can change the way you look at condoms. It makes it a bit exciting rather than fear inducing!
Having my partner put the condom on me through fellatio has proved successful in the past. Though even this doesn’t always work.
Sometimes just giving myself a minute to not think about the pressure I was feeling for that particular moment, get back to touching my partner, feeling her touch me, can help, though not always.
I don’t commonly use condoms with the wife, but for the last few years, whenever I had to… it was also a buzzkill… just like breaking the flow and making you focus on something else… thus boner dies sometimes…Try keeping it sexy… while you do it, eyeball her like she’s your target… which is the truth. Get in your mind while you look at her “I’m putting this to get to you!”… ask her to masturbate
Before my partner and I were able to talk more openly about our challenges in the bedroom, any mood killer would just shut things down completely for her, and then me too. She would pull the sheets up over herself, roll over away from me, and then just sigh herself to some semblance of “sleep” while I stared at the ceiling wondering what was wrong with me/us. Now, there is at least less pressure and less expectation because we are able to talk about things and acknowledge that sex won’t always be “perfect” since there is no such thing as “perfection” anyway. We’re working on trying to have incremental satisfaction and fun, and not just “all or nothing”. I have made myself willing to please her in any capacity if I am unable to deliver, and she is also willing to do that for me. So that has helped quite a bit.
My wife and I watched some (very hot) standup comedian make fun of actually how awful 69 was for her. It was hilarious -because it was true in some ways- and it initiated a mutual confession about our fears of being selfish about our own pleasure. Big idea was to take turns with foreplay and orgasms. It’s not alway ladies first, but I do like to be a gentleman about it. All in all it turned out to really help me enjoy “my turn” without feeling selfish.
Talking about my issues, why it isn’t her fault and its not that I’m not attracted to her, really helps her not react in the moment. Focusing on the sensations from touch and smell help too.
Sexy talk, touching elsewhere on the body
It usually doesn’t occurred to me to focus on other good feelings I’m having, because I’m focused on how she is feeling and what she is thinking of me. But I need to do that more, because if I’m feeling good I can help her better to feel good too.
Like the step that I had gone through before had said before getting here. I find that just being open and talking with my wife about what we plan on doing to each other makes a huge difference for both of us it gives me a little bit of Ia warning and it also turns into its own sexy talk
Simply physical affection! I have a girlfriend who displays so much loving affection and does so through touch and contact, which is much better than some other women who use a more hands off approach.
Continuing to kiss and/or pleasure my partner can really help, you can learn to put on a condom with one hand and you can practice putting them on on your own!
I find I’ll have an easier time if light sexual contact starts well before sex. During the day you have your arm around her waist in a sexy way, you cuddle romantically on the couch, and you start fantasizing about sex later and how badly you want her. Also relieve the pressure by talking to her beforehand about the problem. That alone will ease a lot of anxiety.
Taking time to put the condom on. Even the sensation of lube works well for me, I found putting the condom on with lube was actually fun.
I found that using the Sensate Focus approach massively helped reduce anxiety. It’s not necessarily something for “in the moment” but even spending a few minutes doing this during foreplay helped calm the nerves and meant I was more able to be in the moment when penetrating
My technique is to go down on her until she orgasms. Then climb on her and hump away and hope I cum before I go soft.
Don’t use condoms with my wife. But when swapping positions I stroke myself to keep the sensations going
Focusing on having fun and being in the moment. That’s always when things flow right, when we focus on just feeling good without doing anything specific.
Focus more on your pleasure as opposed to putting on a show and being liked for that