Getting triggered from partners past sex experiences

I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful woman, yet I am constantly struggling with getting triggered when she brings up past dating and sexual experiences.
I’m 29 and didn’t really have sex until I was 25. And only had 1 other past relationship, and only a handful of other sexual experiences after that. I feel very resentful for not taking advantage of my strong libido in my early 20s and when I hear my girlfriend mention a sex experience it just triggers me and immediately puts me in fight or flight and prevents me from being able to relax, let alone perform having sex. Or if I do proceed with sex I usually have premature ejaculation or ED because I don’t feel safe.

I’ve communicated my anxiety and feelings around my lack of sexual experience with her and she’s responded well. But I’m also very careful to not come across so insecure and tell her I don’t want her to have to hide things or hold back when talking to me, because I’m afraid she wants someone with the confidence that we can talk about past sex.

I’m intimidated by her sexuality and specifically one instance she mentioned was a phase she had of being interested in older men. I can’t seem to touch her body without thinking of an older man with a much bigger penis touching her and having a really hard time overcoming this.

I’m not sure if communicating more how I feel when she brings this up is going to help or hurt my relationship, but I know it is currently killing my sex drive and putting me in a feeling of threat and anxiety. I know this all comes from my lack of experience, when I hear her talk about this it makes me resent not having more reckless or wild sexual experiences in the past. I feel if I had more stories like this, then I wouldn’t feel so insecure when she talks about them. Personally I also don’t want to talk about them, but realize she may be the type that wants to be with someone who’s confident and won’t let those things bother me, because they are in the past.

If anyone has insight on useful methods of overcoming triggers of your partner talking about past sexual experiences with you, (besides exposure therapy) I’d greatly appreciate it. Thank you

1 Like

Mannnn I’m on the same boat as you. I’m 24 and still a virgin. But I recently got into a relationship with a great partner of mine, everything about is great. But I’m always in my head about her past experiences with other men and I can’t seem to get away from it. I try bro but it’s so hard not to think about it and I feel like I’m pressured & need to perform better than the rest of the guys she used to be with. It fucks with my mental not gonna lie and I’m still trying to get out of this groove. I regret not taking advantage of going crazy with other women because I feel like I would be more secure but the insecurities just be kickin my ass. It sucks man but feels good to see someone have similar problem with me. Still looking for help but I’m rootin for you brother, we will get thru this.