I got somehow attracted to men during my adolescence age somehow I forced myself to change the behavior from girls attraction to boys ! Then I started doing masturbation by thinking of guys and then started to watch gay porn and I got addicted to gay porn ! Then I encountered physical relationships with guys where my dick doesn’t get hard in reality ! It always needs porn for arousal ! I thought I am a gay but reality I am not into guys also ! Meanwhile I loved one girl and married her and I was not involved in any physical relationship with her ! After marriage I tried to sex with her my penis is not getting hard ! So again I need gay porn for arousal ! The truth is I am not getting hard with both man and woman ! I love only porn ! But I am not gay or straight ! I don’t want to identify my gender! My ultimate goal is need to experience a good sex with intimacy with my wife and to have a beautiful baby ! What is this about ?? I am confused ! I am romantically and physically attracted only to my wife and sexually attracted to man !
I even tried to be a bottom to be fucked by someone! Omg it was sooo painful and horrible ! I couldn’t enjoy even for a minute ! I was screaming in pain ! I din like that also ! I just like to give a blowjob ! I just attracted to penis ! I don want romantically connected with anyone ! I have a beautiful understanding wife and who knows that I have this kind of interest and wanted to stay happy with my relationship
Do you ever use toys to penetrate your ass?
Nope why ?
Just wondering if you explored your body on your own or if you just like porn. Maybe just take a break from porn?
I totally understand!! 
Bottoming takes time and commitment. You need to prepare yourself. You need a top that is patient. Use more lube than you think is necessary and then use more. You need to be relaxed and get comfortable with your body. Use poppers, smoke a joint, take a drink or 3, whatever it is that will make you feel relaxed. Use butt plugs and dildos. Start small, gradually increasing the size length and girth. Relax, play, explore, have fun, and use more lube!