So I’m 20 years old and still a Virgin. From my understanding people find me really attractive but I’m really shy and introverted. I’m really ashamed of still being a virgin and it feels like everyone is judging me
But yesterday I was over at my crush house and everything went good until we tried to have sex and I couldn’t get hard. I’ve never been so ashamed in my life. She haven’t answered my snaps since then and It feels like I’m loosing it, It really feels like blew my one and only chance
I haven’t slept for 2 days and haven’t had any apatite I’ve truly never felt this shitty before really reaching new heights
I know it might seem like a stretch for some but I feel like a worthless human being and don’t know what to do
I would like to add that I’ve watched porn almost every day for years and I have no problem getting and erections when I’m watching porn
But I don’t get morning woods anymore and it’s almost impossible to get hard by just touching myself without watching anything at all
Hey @early-yellow-anteater! It sounds like you’re having a really tough time but let me just start by saying that there’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Not having had sex yet just means you’re going to be more mature when you eventually do, which is a really good thing. And struggling to get it up in an intense moment like getting intimate with your crush for the first time is completely normal.
The good news is that your issue doesn’t seem to be physical, which means that you’ve already got everything you need to overcome it in your head. Mojo can hopefully help you with that process and allow you to enjoy sex in no time.
When you get another opportunity to get intimate, maybe share that you’re a bit nervous and take things slowly. There’s a lot of ways to enjoy each other’s bodies without jumping straight to penetrative sex. I know that’s not necessarily what porn or the movies teach you, but give it a try. Be curious about each other and have fun playing around.
Take it easy
Thank you really means a lot, i dont know if its ok to ask questions but is it good to stop masturbating fully ?. I just did it for the first time in 3 weeks today without porn and although it was difficult it felt good and gave me a bit of a confidence boost
I can’t give you any specific advice as I’m not a therapist, but masturbation in itself doesn’t generally contribute to erection issues. I’d recommend working your way through the performance anxiety course if you haven’t done so already and see whether any of that is relatable for you. You might also want to listen to the “Rebalance your porn use” podcast series in the Resources section of the app.
Hope that helps and keep it up!
Hey buddy, I know it must feel awful but don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not alone
It was the first time your brain was in a new situation. It is very common to feel anxious, excited and have your mind racing too much to feel aroused.
I have often had difficulty getting erections with new women the first few times. Sometimes I still also have difficulty with my current girlfriend if i have something on my mind distracting me. Although I have improved greatly with help from Mojo.
Firstly, be kind to yourself. You’re your own best friend so focus on building your inner coach and quieting your inner critic. You managed to get into an intimate situation with your crush - thats awesome. Feel proud about that and build on from there.
Secondly, if you watch porn daily you may have inadvertently trained your brain to mostly be aroused from watching other people through a screen. It can take some practice to rewire but it is 100% possible for anyone.
Things you can try to ease off porn a bit is downgrading to pictures or switching between less women and videos. Then maybe only watching porn for parts of a session, reducing the overall time or doing so less frequently. Explore just casually enjoying the touch of your own body in the shower without porn - don’t worry about having to be hard instantly, the errections will come later.
Personally I found easing off porn an important part of my healing journey. No need to cut it out entirely - porn can be fun and exciting. But our brain is a funny creature and will sometimes make connections and form habits without us consciously realising it.
Also a plus tip is communicating up front can really help ease off the pressure having to perform. Simply saying you’d love a cuddle but sometimes it takes you some time to feel comfortable with a new person can make a difference. You will find that can ease the tension for everyone - women get nervous too.
Keep up with mojo and good luck
I had the same problem for about a week when I was 21. But my future wife was very patient and one Sunday morning it worked.
We’ve been to gether almost 45 years and have a wonderful 37 year old daughter.
I rarely had issues until a few months ago. With the help of Mojo and especially the meditation exercises that is improving as well
It will get better.
TBH, I had pretty much the same thing happen to me my first time.
I was blessed with good genetics and I currently work as a model. I’m saying this not to be arrogant but rather to illustrate that this type of thing can truly happen to anyone. Furthermore, my job comes with a lot of female attention and often others around me have assumed that I have no struggles when it comes to finding and/ or engaging in sex.
The night of and days after it happened were truly a horrible time in my life, so I know exactly how it can feel like you are useless and inadequate. The reason you are feeling this way though is because our society puts a ton of pressure on loosing your virginity and that it has to be some grand electrifying experience that opens your eyes to the world. I’ve lost my virginity since, and let me just say that what society expects is bullshit. I felt no different after it happened, so do with that what you want .
My best advice is to give yourself grace for today and realize that it happens to a ton of people all the time, and most people refrain from talking about because it is perceived to be a failure and embarrassment when it shouldn’t be. TBH after it happened I was so embarrassed and never spoke to that chick again. Looking back, a big regret in my life is that I stopped talking to her out of shame. She was really cool and maybe if I talked with her about it, it could have turned out to be something special, but because I stopped talking to her we’ll never know .
In your case, you can’t control if she wants to try again or not, but unlike myself I hope you don’t give up hope with her and give it another shot. I’ll level with you, it sucked for me for a good week or two after it happened, but I truly think if I would just been open and honest with her it would’ve been no big deal at all. I’ve been able to grow a lot from that experience because realizing it for what is it (just being a damn human:sweat_smile:) gave me a-lot confidence and comfort. Overall, we are all just humans and sometimes embarrassing shit happens .
Same thing happened to me, at the tender age of 21. She was a friend I went out with out of town with some other friends. A few were 19 and you can drink in Canada at that age. She was hot, I could tell she wanted me. I had built up my virginity a lot and by that point I was ready to lose it, but I just couldn’t that night. We had a hotel we shared with some friends who came back later. She played with it a bit. Of course THEN I was able to get hard.
We tried again later in the week. Same thing happened, although it worked when she was on top, which was kind of a theme for that month-long relationship. Not how I wanted it to go but that’s how it went. 20 years later I’m now married to a different woman but some of the old issues have reared their head after 10 years of marriage. They have probably been there the entire time. I think I’m fixing them with the exercises in the app (an example: letting go of my death grip self love was huge). Also talking about it here and elsewhere. Anyways, enough about me, I think you’re on the right track being here and talking about it. You got this!