Hi, new to the app. So been struggling with erection issues since my divorce nearly 2 and half years ago when i found out my wife had been having an affiar and slept with multiple other men behind my back. 14 years together, 2 sons now 14 and 12. It hit hard and probably still in recovery if im being honest. Over the last 2 and half years ive had quite alot of encounters with wonen, some success some not so much. Tried the blue pills along the way but dont like to rely on them. Everything works fine, just sometimes i get so much in my head about it that it doesnt work. First women after the divirce it didnt happen, and then that just set me off into panic when ever it happened. Ive met someone new, i really like. Ended up having the blue pill first couple times and then 3rd time didnt and i didnt work. So had to go down the route of explai ing all this to her. Luckily she seems ok with but now im stuck in my head massively about wether its going to work or not next time round. Any one here any advice or been in a similar situation. Thanks
I find that spontaneous sex is 50/50. Sometimes I get hard and sometimes not. More often lately it’s been not. And yep, same thing - I get inside my head, things stop working, can’t get them working, beat myself up. When I do get it up I then put pressure on myself to stay up and yeah that doesn’t help! Fortunately my current partner has been amazing and she’s been very understanding and supportive. I will add that the times when things do work fine is when I’ve fully relaxed and that usually involves me giving her a full body massage and really focussing on her body and making it a mindful activity so maybe try something similar. Your cause is most likely stress from your divorce. I lost my wife of 20 years to cancer a year ago and I think all this is a side effect of that.
It’s certainly manageable/improvable. We dived in feet first recently and my ED disappeared completely for a while - but I know it’s lurking
I can definitely relate to not wanting the pills…it give hot flashes and I feel like I’m cheating…almost as if it’s not even me.
Firstly so sorry for ur loss. I think i find it easier to get into spontaneous sex tbh. When i dont know its coming. But at the minute with the woman im seeing, with work and kids etc, its almost planned sex, where i have the whole day to get into my own head about it all. Im hoping that i can get thru this stage but its not the best of positions to be in i suppose
Hey man, I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve been on the app for close to 100 days and have had much more success. I was in a dark place and I feel hopeful now. I’ve also had much more success with erections and sex. It’s a good feeling for sure! I’m not 100% all the time, but the overall trajectory is upwards for sure. For me, certain activities have been more helpful than others. The thing is you never know which ones it will be for you as we’re all different. Some guys say it’s the meditations, others it’s the kegel stuff, etc. For me, doing the wax and wane was an epiphany and has really helped me with confidence. I recommend you go through all of them and you’ll find that together it’s a good system. Hang in there. It does get better!
I take it these are all part of the programme? Thanks for your response btw
Hey, can you explain the wax and wane thing??? I’m doing kegals but open to do multiple things
The side effects arnt really that bad. I only ever have like half a pill max. Ive used a quarter b4 and had great results. I do think alot of this is just due to the mental aide of it. Confidence that i will get hard. But then i dont use it and i have the panic.
Happy to help. Yes, these are all part of the program. If you’re early on, it’s kind of overwhelming with all of the different activities. After a few weeks of the app suggesting activities, I started using the Routine feature where you pick a couple of goals and the app gives you daily activities based on that.
It’s a very simple activity that you can find under the Activities tab. It’s basically finding some time by yourself where there’s no pressure or clock and getting yourself erect and then letting it go and repeating a few times. No porn or external images, just you and your mind and body. It’s so simple, but the idea is that you train your mind to see it’s OK to go soft (and here it’s completely soft) because and erection is totally achievable. Like I said, it’s a simple idea, but it’s really helped my confidence and mindset of spectatoring (obsessing if I’m hard, staying hard, how hard, etc.). I’m still getting there, but it’s working. It’s a struggle for sure with some days better than others. I will so that this program has been excellent for me so far.
Has anyone had to explain to a new partner about their performance anxiety before being intimate? It’s something I’m dreading and yet I know I will feel a relief of pressure if I do. Any tips welcomed
Sort of! So typically whenever I’ve got into a new relationship, I’ve never been one to jump into sex.. Will usually have to build up to it. However, recently got into a new relationship and we skipped everything else the first two times, which was great, since then (and I’ve been stressed with work stuff), I’ve not been able to hold the erection.. So I’ve explained, that it’s not her, it’s me, and she’s totally cool with it.. She knows it’s not her as we slept together already. But I’ve said that perhaps I wasn’t ready for that.. So we’re going to keep it cool, and keep trying, but not forcing it.. Lucky, I can get her off orally, so she’s never feeling left out!
Do it in a non sexual situation. I recommend a walk, preferably a long one where you have time and space - mentally and physically - to discuss it.
As you rightly suggest, the mental relief of getting it out your head is immense.
Trust me, it’s worth it even though it’s nerve wracking.