Can't keep it up!

I’m 37 and as far as I can remember I’ve always experienced trouble keeping an erection. I have no problem getting an erection but I just struggle to keep one most of the time.
In my younger days my sex life was pretty non-existent apart from losing my virginity at 18 which was a disaster and I was publicly embarrassed.
I got married at 27, had 2 kids but have recently gotten divorced. We were never sex mad in our relationship and she was kinda dull in bed and when we did try to have sex it would either stay up or it wouldn’t, I really couldn’t control it. I’m at the stage now of wanting to make up for lost time and I’ve been seeing girls and wanting to have sex with them.
I have been to see my doctor over my issue, they took some blood and felt around my pubic area and the results were that there was nothing physically wrong with me and that my erection problems was a mental issue. I was prescribed viagra but I was too ashamed to take it that I never actually went to the pharmacy to collect it.
Later when I met a girl that I knew wanted to have sex with me I knew I had to do something so I noticed that my dad kept viagra pills so I started taking those. The first time I took one I went to see the girl and we had sex 3 times in one night which is insane for me! I was so proud of myself. So any time I was going to meet this girl again I made sure I took a viagra before I got there. But soon enough I started getting anxiety about the pill being bad for me and I started feeling physical symptoms of things like fast heartbeat, shirt stinted numb feeling in my legs, so now taking viagra I doing my mental health more harm than good and now when I do take viagra I still have the same trouble where i can’t stay erect.
This website is my last resort for help. I want to get better. Please, any wise words and encouragement would mean a lot and I apologise for this long winded post, I just needed to explain my back story and where I’m at currently.
Thank you!


Hey man don’t know why no one has responded but if nothing else, it’s helping me to know that there’s other people out there with similar issues. I tried Viagra and that didn’t work either. I’m making progress though so I’m sure you will be able to as well.


How are you making progress? I’ve also tried 100mg of sildenifil which did nothing so I’m honestly scared to death.


Hi thanks for the reply. Could you expand on how you’re making progres? I don’t want to rely on viagra as it’s very much a last resort. If you have any tips on how you’re improving I’m all ears.

Hi, what have you experienced whilst using Sildenifil?

Was the question for me? Sildenafil hasn’t worked for me.

My question to you was what have you experienced when you took sildenifil

I said not a thing

The viagra was prescribed by your doctor just to give you more confidence in your self, once you get your confidence back you can stop taking viagra.
And the anxiety and stress taking viagra was all create by your mind which was blocking the effect of viagra, remember viagra to work you have to be arouse otherwise viagra won’t work because anxiety and stress is blocking.

1 Like

I never thought about it as the doc trying to make me confident. I guess you’re right. Thanks for replying

Have you struggled with porn addiction? That my problem and I’m scared viagra won’t work for me. I tried Hims pills and that did nothing

Yes I’d say I’m an avid user of porn and “need” it to get off. I have tried giving it up but to no avail. I have trouble taking any strange medication my mind runs wild and causes anxiety to set in. Viagra has worked before

I would like to jump into this topic!

I got similar issues and I got a statement from my doctor that there are no physical issues with me. Even though this should be a good sign i sometimes wished it was a something with my body so I would have had a beginning where I could have started fixing my problem.

After years I started to realize my real issues. When I tried to have sex I constantly thought about it. Is is good? Will it work? Were her Exes better than me? What should I do next? …oh no there is the point of no return… and other things like that.

I felt so much pressure to perform well. In addition i started to worry about my erection and my relationship and soon, i started to have worries while masturbating. As a result my mind and body cramped more and more and I struggled more and more.

At one point I said to myself “Stop this nonsense”. It was clear to me that my brain was the problem although nobody besides me really pressured me. I began to question myself about why am I pressuring myself. That saying I came back to all the thoughts I had while being aroused and with my girlfriend. I started to understand my uneducated view on sexuality build from porn, rapmusic and social media. It is not all about sex and sex is not just doing crazy things as powerful as you can. You can have sex and stimulate yourself in so many different ways so just calm down. It is all good! Just find yours!

What reliefed me the most was admiring, that I am a human and we do struggle sometimes. Its natural so stop worrying about it. I am sure women do struggle too! So don’t worry, everybody can understand your situation. Calm yourself down and start to be more sensitive again. Stop watching porn an masturbate less and in different ways. Start to have sex again, but different this time. I am not a fan of tantra etc but what gets me going the most now is just loving my partner instead of looking at her in a lustfull way. In some way you just have to discover what pleases you (you should also take notice about what you really like and what are just porn-inducted fantasies. They are good to have but at some point they overwhelmed me and showed me that I was kind of overstimulated through porn).

It will take some time to “reconfigure” your brain and overcome the “the first waves” of being horny when you stop watching porn for example. But it is worth it. I have less problems with ED now :slight_smile:

There is hope, guys! I am so happy to have found a platform like this!


I want to point one thing out because it affected me as well.

Don’t be scared of using PDE-5s like viagra or tadalafil when the doctor prescripted them to you. I took them daily as a therapy over 2-3 months and they served me pretty well. However I started to became insecure because I always stood in front of the same problems like before when I tried to have sex without them. I was afraid to raise a psychological addiction or to experience health problems when I take them any longer.

Speak to your doctor about it. However I find it very comfortable now to still have them somewhere. When things heat up quickly and you are unfortunately not in the right mood this time, you always have something in the backhand. Use them patiently and be open with your partner. It can really boost up your confidence. It is not “less manly” or whatever…

However first things first: Think and talk with someone about your sexuality, your issues with it and loosen your boundaries in your head. In my opinion that will be the solution.

1 Like

I think its good to have someone talk about taking away the “shame” aspect of medication. Whilst it might not be the result some people want, it’s good for it to be less taboo.

1 Like