Can’t finish myself or with a partner

I’ve had this problem for years. I haven’t been able to successfully masterbate for at least 20 years since was in my early 20s. When having sex it takes me at least 30 minutes to finish, if I can, and I can only finish in the doggie position.Ive been with my 2nd wife for 13 years now. I had an affair that lasted 2 of those years that started because I wanted to know if I could finish more with another partner. Sometimes I could and sometimes I couldn’t. With my wife it’s mostly not. I’m wondering if some of our sexual past is affecting this issue. We used to fight about sex constantly. I’m the higher desire partner and I know i caused som issues for her. I’m just lost and frustrated because I can’t cum!!!
At this point I’ve tried everything I can think of. We really only have sex on Saturdays right now because that’s just when it works out. Any advice or anything anyone can provide would be appreciated.


I have the same . I’m a master at pretending I cum.
I think it’s to do with safety- I only feel safe with myself to cum to trust another with that control is tricky .

At the same time - don’t beat yourself up . Everything in life comes with ups and downs : what you view as flaw - the far more common “I cum in 30 seconds” man would view as epic “talent” …

Someone said to me a while back , gazing at me admiringly “ you have amazing self control everyone else just cums in 30 seconds with me!”

I sagely nodded… but everything has at least two sides in life . Try to look at both.


I can’t even cum for myself though… I see that the guys that cum fast admire it, but I wish I could have a quickie once in a while lol.

Have you any ideas at all what you are feeling as you experience sex and think about cum - any feelings or fears - concerned about mess, loss of control, past events? Just wondering if you you can find those feelings gs it may help understand the background.