Anyone with trouble getting aroused mentally?

I have been suffering with ED for the past few months, but I noticed that sometimes when I’m with my girlfriend, despite the cuddling, the kissing, and the touching, I can’t get “turned on”. It’s very strange and concerning, because I’m very attracted to my girlfriend, I care about her emotionally, but sometimes, despite wanting to be physical, I can’t get mentally aroused, certainly not the same arousal that watching porn generates, for example.

Anyone feel the same way, and does anyone have any tips or advice on how to get 'in the mood" more reliably?


I have felt this way and its disconcerting. I dont know why i dont switch on but i often start to spectator and wonder why its not happening -and of course that makes it worse. I have found that not thinking abt it can help as well as fantasizing / redirecting my mind. and also exercising in general helps reboot my system a bit.


Anyone else sometimes get no arousal purely from physical touch when someone starts a handjob or blowjob. I would think my reward system would say hey this feels good and will lead to more but often i am just flat. I almost need like a story or flirty convo or i need a fantasy in my head. Sometimes visual works too (seeing wife naked). I am just surprised the purely physical that she initiates doesnt work and its the same when masterbating - i need the visual or fantasy - touch alone doesnt work. Anyone else like this?


both of your issues i also experience. I can’t get satisfaction with oral or hand jobs, and it’s almost impossible for me to cum at the end. I do get soft right before sex but if i’m lucky enought to get it hard I rarely cum. Almost like I have very low sensitivity to my penis, I almost wished I had PE instead of DE. anyone else? any tips?

Ive read about the P shot that helps with sensitvity, or using a vacum pump to get the penis hard inorder to get the ball rolling…

i feel the same way and when i start realising it not going up then i begin to panic and tel it to go up. which makes the situation even worse

I do agree. In fact i would as far as to say Often I don’t feel desire for my current gf despite me finding her attractive and loving her. I think it can come from associating the desire with that particular partner with ED. Youre almost thinking ‘she thinks im a flop.’. This isn’t however the same when for example a one night stand or new partner would put it on you and I believe its because you feel you’ve lost your masculine power over your current partner and you don’t hold the reigns of sexual control. For new partners where ED hasn’t played out I feel empowered and energised because they aren’t associated with the shame of previous ed situations. The confidence is there more for some reason

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Hey guys,
I started a new relationship with a woman who has a high sex drive and love sex. This pressure created an ED issue for me. We had a few difficult sessions, some I couldn’t get hard at all, others I did but went soft.
It was all in my head, I worked on breathing techniques and positive self talk. I turned the corner and things have been great. I have my confidence back, we’re communicating well and enjoying a great sex life.
I don’t get turned on until I’m about to have sex, never have. I still have the thought that I may have issues next time, however I use positive self talk around previous times with her and on the past. Don’t give up, talk with partner, you’ll get through this rough patch, that’s all it is


Yes I can relate to all of that

Is there any advice on how to help with this?

Wow this is crazy but this is basically my exact same issue, but slightly different. I relate heavily to needing a fantasy or to focus really hard on visual imagery to get a strong erection. And yeah bro seeing my girlfriend naked for one of the first times in bright light really got me hard and we had great sex afterward. I’d say touch alone will work for me but my penis doesn’t become as hard with just touch…or I have to focus hard on fantasy AND stroke my penis a lot to get it hard when I’m by myself. And unfortunately so much stroking makes me want to cum by myself so its tough to keep it fully erect alone. Its weird though if I’m absolutely fully erect I last a lot longer when my girlfriend masturbates me or we have sex. Its really weird. I’m guessing its a nerve sensitivity issue and a mental issue combined since the results of stimulation vary so much for me visually and physically in different situations.

Wow thanks man that’s really helpful. My ED seems to be mental as well or at least mostly mental according to my doctors. I’m trying antidepressants to see if that can increase my reduced arousal and make my erections harder and easier to get. But its amazing that just with positive self talk you got it to work better. I’m gonna try this and also just think more positively until I’m about to have sex.

I did mention in another reply that seeing my girlfriend naked helped me get really erect and hard enough for sex. However, in terms of “not getting turned on” I relate to that somewhat and I can offer some help. Basically, I think having a positive mindset can help. For me when I feel really confident or happy about something, I usually find that my arousal comes back after it basically is minimal or not there (I’m talking mostly physical penis arousal but also mental arousal). Also another big thing I’ve noticed is that if I get really emotional, crying for instance, or think really hard about how much I love my girlfriend, or sometimes if I text her very loving words it results in arousal. It used to all the time every time basically before the ED. But now it happens rarely that texting can arouse me. Sexting does give me some arousal which is great. Also try focusing on being intimate with your partner and focusing on her eyes and face…for me this works amazing and gives me a big boost of arousal physically and mentally. Good luck brother hope this helps!

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