So I have a girlfriend of about 1.5 years. I’ve never struggled with performance anxiety up until about 3 weeks ago. Last week, I was able to stay in the present moment and successfully have sex. But last night, I got in my head. I got in my head because I knew we were going to have sex and I became nervous.
Does anyone have any tips to stay in the present moment before sex? Since I know I’m going to have sex, I work myself up and then lose my erection once foreplay starts. How do I maintain my erection throughout foreplay and just enjoy the moment?
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Commenting to follow. I feel you bro, hang in there!
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Thanks man, hoping for results
Pre-sex nerves can be from many different things, so I hope the below helps you as it has helped me, as I can relate to losing an erection at some point during foreplay. For me it’s because I spectator my erection, wondering why I’m not hard, only semi hard, or if I will lose my erection at some point.
Essentially I’ve found the kegel exercises to be fantastic, they have given me a mental confidence to trust my body to do its thing, and let me enjoy the moment with my partner. I do half a dozen or so sessions each day of 10reps for 10 seconds, within a few days noticed a decent difference in firmness during stimulation, and length of time firm without stimulation during solo play.
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Huge. Thank you. Will be doing more kegels outside of the exercises on the app
I’ve done breathing exercises to calm down when I know sex is coming later in the day, which has helped me a bit.
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Try to relax your mind and think that when you are both together that you are safe and secure. Reassure your brain that you are not in danger and are okay. Allow yourself to fully relax. Consider both enjoying some relax time before engaging in acts. Set time to just embrace and unwind clear the air see if it helps. Of course foreplay and building the moment can help rather than getting straight into it. Good luck 
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Glad they helped you. For me I feel like kegels are the opposite. Doing kegels reinforces the wrong idea in my head that I have to actively do something to maintain an erection. What I need to do is relax, focus on the arousal and sensations. Like you said, I need to trust my body, but doing kegels makes me feel like I don’t trust my body at all.
Well, I struggle with the same problem. I am currently trying visualisation, but with actually cumming. So I bought this masturbator which I can lie on my bed and thrust, whilst visualising that I’m fucking my gf. I think this will help me to make a connection in my brain that I can fuck my gf, keep my erection, and cum inside her. I think this takes away some nerves.
Then there is communication. I’m sure you already explained your problem to your gf, but keep talking about what’s happening. Try to see if she’s willing to try the Sensate Focus approach, where you start with just touching without touching genitals and gradually work your way up to penetration.
I think it also helps to both have an approach where you will try to enjoy all the sensations that happen during sex. Don’t talk about foreplay, as this indicates there’s always a next stage. Foreplay is sex as well. If there is no erection, you can still find pleasure. You can go down on her or you can just stroke each other. See what you like in the moment. I not there yet myself, but I’m sure that if you get into a mindset where you just enjoy whatever happens, then erection worries and anxiety around sex disappears, since you don’t need to worry about what will happen. Just enjoy the experience.
Certainly a valid perspective. I have played sport for most of my life so I could relate to kegels as training months/weeks/days before a game. After years of both training and not training I always find every aspect of my game to be better when I put the effort in beforehand.
I’ve had a similar experience with kegels, breathing activities, and other resilience exercises here. Knowing I’ve done the physical and mental practice makes playing that much easier and fun.
Also wax and wane has been another great exercise