After an experience of not being able to get it up with a girl because I was way too drunk and have anxiety, I completely spiraled with thoughts. It triggered my ocd in sexual orientation ocd where I obsessively doubt my orientation. Even though I know Iām straight my brain keeps giving me thoughts like āwhat if I am gay.ā This was also paired with anxiety of not being able to get it up again, even though Iāve had hundreds of times where I could get it up. Anyway now my sexual desire is almost non existent because of the anxiety both of these bring. I have no interest in sex anymore, even though before this I loved it. Anyone else have anything similar after a bad sexual experience like this? And if so any tips of how to combat this?
Same I donāt understand it. I lust for women but have some strange obsession with SOOCD.
It really is an obsession, itās like I need certainty on it but as much as I try I just keep doubting. The thoughts are really distressing and I remember the first thought I had after not being able to get it up just thinking does this mean Iām gay? I think itās just feeding my anxiety, and obviously anxiety leads to lower sexual desire. I only ever get sexual desire when I just donāt think worry the whole day.
Are you sexually attracted to men? If not, youāre not gay. Having a lower libido doesnāt automatically make someone gay.
I can relate to your question however. About a month ago my wife and I were having sex and after a few minutes I lost my erection and couldnāt get it back up. Itās the first time in a few years that happened but itās still embarrassing. I had no desire for sex for a while but pressured myself into it (my wife is super understanding and patient - this was all me). The next time we had sex, a week or so later, same thing happened. It really shattered my confidence and thatās when I jumped back on Mojo.
Iāve been journaling, using ChatGPT as a therapist, and reading into articles on sexual desire and, importantly, involving my wife in all of this, learning about our differences together.
Last night we managed to have sex, both of us to climax. Best orgasm of my life, I swear. It doesnāt mean Iām out of the woods yet, but it was really helpful. Have you felt the desire to masturbate or watch porn? What kind?
There was one book in particular that really helped us. I donāt know if itās allowed or appropriate to share it here but if youāre interested Iāll let you know. I also donāt know how much itāll help you since you donāt seem to be in an exclusive committed relationship. But Iām happy to chat more about it!
Hiya mate, nah I have no sexual attraction to men but Iām very prone to ocd and itās latched onto it. So I essentially get obsessive doubts in my mind like what if I am. Even though I know Iām not and have never been. The only problem is, I canāt so easily rationalize the thoughts if u get what I mean. The more I rationalize them the more Iām using compulsions essentially and this just strengthens the thoughts. Every now and then I get the desire to masturbate, only when I have days where I have no anxiety to do with performance or my sexuality randomly changing. So Iāve kind of pinned my lack of sexual desire to anxiety because of this. Saying this when I have erections my desire comes back straight away, masturbating does bring my desire back however I struggle to feel it when Iām not erect due to anxiety. I guess itās just good to know itās still there but anxiety masks it. Iāve overcame this exact same thing before triggered by not being able to get it up too with my ex girlfriend, but I overcame it and we ended up having great sex for about a year and a half, my desire was through the roof. I guess now itās happened again and I donāt have her by my side, itās quite hard to manage on my own. I know who I am and that I can become that again.
I am a 30 year old male and had this exact same thing happen to me about 6 months ago.
The anxiety attacks are unbearable and the compulsions are all consuming. I have some great days and bad days. Your story really spoke to me as it is identical to mine
I canāt cum during sex itās so frustrating