My wife and I have been married for nearly 30 years. Generally speaking we have had a good marriage and have two wonderful kids, now both in their mid 20’s so no longer reliant on us. Five years ago my wife had an affair which destroyed me. I decided to forgive her and work on our relationship. Only to discover that she was messaging guys pictures of herself. I confronted her, we chatted and I forgave her again. A few weeks ago I discovered she was messaging this guy again and discovered she had sex with him 2 years ago. Again my heart has been broken and I am at a complete loss. I have moved out of our home for 4 weeks to give us space but also for me to decide how to move forward from this. I still love her but I know I can probably never trust her again. My heart tells me that it is over and we should divorce but equally my head tells me that we shouldn’t throw everything that we have built away. Even my kids are telling me that I should split up from her. But it’s not that easy. She has apologised and said she loves me and doesn’t want us to split up. But, as mentioned, I think too much has happened and we have reached the end of the road. I know no-one can advice me what to do, but posting on hear to hear from who else has gone through this and if anyone has any advice Thanks from a heart broken man.
Probably, you should split up. I think there is no way to continue like this since she will likely do it again and again.
But there would be another option that might be worth a shot, which is an open relationship. Then you can also sleep around and have some fun while feeling maybe less bad about your wife’s sleeping around. It’s not for everyone though (probably not for me), but it’s getting more and more popular these days.
I don’t think an open relationship is for me either. I’m a very loyal person and the thought of an open relationship makes me feel sick. You are probably right that we should split up. I really don’t think I will ever trust her again. I still feel conflicted though.
I can’t see how you could make this work. Good luck
Oh man. Thats terrible. I’m putting myself in your shoes. I deeply love my wife, and if she did something like this I’d probably would still love her, but the pain each time something like this happened would destroy me. I would have to leave her and try to fall out of love. I really hope you find an answer mate.
I think life passes so fast, it feels short. You need to find the answer you can stick with without regrests later on in life, if doubt arises. You think about it, take a decition and stick to it.
If you take it from me, I also had a bad relationship. It was not due to lack of love, it was just a bad and long relatioship. Now, a little bit wiser I hope, I frequently find myself thinking that I should have just ended (because I was not happy) and keep looking for the relationship I wanted for myself.
I hear you, i was in a 25 hear marrige and it basiclly slowlh gfansformed into mechanical parenting of our kids and deapite me trying she was no longer in a romantic relatiknship and not interested in sex. As soon as we split up it was amazing I felt free to find a loving partner. After dating for 2 and 1/2 years i found an amazing woman woh has grown kids too and we are a great couple. We text every day. Snughle every night it is just the best thing ever we are 4 years together now and it feels like we met yesterday. . Every situation is different but for me, it was the best thing. My x and i get along famously and talk lots mostly about the kids but wd are better now than we had been for years.