M51, 23 yr relationship with kids broke up 2 years ago. Finally found a beautiful woman and have been seeing her for 9 months. All that time and I’ve barely had penetrative sex with her. During foreplay I am so stiff it hurts, but when I try to enter I just go soft.
Luckily she’s very understanding and REALLY enjoys giving BJ’s and BJ’s but I’m worried she’ll get bored. I’ve been using Mojo for about a month, don’t watch porn and have been doing the kegel dance too.
I’m 51, so pretty good with the hands if you know what I mean She always gets an ‘O’ at least once a night, but I’m afraid I’m going to give in next time lads and will be using the blue tablets to keep her (and me) satisfied. I know it’s a mental issue, so I’m going to keep using Mojo but it’s a bit disheartening when you’re desperate to cum but it’s not happening. It’s like a cruel trick.
Anyone here have similar problems and some good advice?
I would recommend you to read Coping with Erectile dysfunction by Barry McCarthy, the Chapter 7 provide a guide on how to deal with it as a couple progressively ( the same exercices are in MoJo). There is a lot of couple exercices to do. I would put en emphasis on meditation, in order for you to get out of your head and visualization exercices. Your thought process needs to change, you need to have more positive thoughts about sex in order to worry less and about your performance.
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Have you taken Viagra or Cialis before?
They’re not magic guaranteed boner pills (if they were, I’d say just take them and then once you’ve 'proven yourself ’ the performance anxiety will fade away. That was my plan to be honest, before I tried it and realised why it didn’t work.)
They basically open the blood vessels to allow guys who can’t get an erection for physical reasons to get one. These are guys who, if not for that physical issue would be fine and for whom PA isn’t an issue.
You can still fail to get an erection when on Viagra or Cialis, just like healthy 20 year old with nothing wrong with their D whatsoever can fail to get an erection, purely because of the fight or flight response your body is in.
There’s a few guys with PA who report they can get it up OK when they take a pill, I think that might be a bit of placebo effe t doing it’s magic on their anxiety.
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Also, for what it’s worth, McCarthy’s book also discusses incorporating Viagra or Cialis in a “both/and” sort of approach. Since arousal is still needed for them to work effectively, the techniques used help the medications work more effectively (he estimates about 85% of the time).
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Thanks, I will check that out. I don’t think I have a physical problem with getting an erection. The issue is just as annoying in that I can’t keep hard when I try to penetrate, so I believe this must be more PA than ED.Also, the Viagra worked very well - I stayed erect during foreplay and sex and then stayed semi until we started again. I did tell my partner that I was taking Viagra and she understood that this hasn’t really solved the problem, but she wants to work with me to solve or reduce the problem.