I am 20 years old. I am in college, I exercise regularly and eat well and am in very good shape. Lately I have been having problems with psychological ED with my girlfriend (my first girlfriend, be it at that). Every time I am about to lose my virginity, my erection slowly fades away. At first I thought it would be nerves, but I do not feel nervous with her. Or perhaps it’s from all the porn I used to watch, but I stopped watching porn and masturbating a few months ago. I need help. What could it be? I am able to get an erection by myself, but in bed with my girl I cannot maintain it long enough to reach penetration. She says she’s fine with me “taking things slow” but I can see the disappointment in her eyes and I’m afraid she will leave me eventually. We have been dating for a month or 2 now. What is wrong with me?
Hey brother,
I’m now 32, started having issues at 16-17. I know at your age there is this intrinsic expectation to be virile and ready to roll. I remember clearly my panic and despair as the issue gained traction and my life seemed to spiral out of control for ever and on.
My advice? Slow that brain down! Be kind and forgiving to yourself. From the outside looking in, this is 100% nerves, and you can overcome it. The paradox about psychological ED is that it is, in fact, in your head, consciously or subconsciously, and therefore only you (consciously or subconsciously) can overcome it.
Over the years of ongoing major psyche struggles, I would say some of my shinier victories came about when I was wholly convinced that my penis was a gift. Put a bow on it if you must. Recognize that this girl desires it, however long it can handle her, and you dutifully relinquish possession of it to her wanting. It is the gift of giving.
There is something so wonderfully pure about starting “not so good” at sex, and doing it over and over with someone you love and improving over time, together. It is a journey, not a destination. Give that virginity away with dignity, and onward and upward! Don’t let the subconscious fear of finishing quickly shut you down. It will be special no matter what. Truly confident people have learned to laugh at themselves. You have the rest of your life to gain stamina and finesse. Reps, Sets, Gains.
Whatever you do, do it like you mean it. Pep talk over, I really wish you the best.
Stay strong!
hey brother, did you finally get a solution? because i also have the same issue exactly like yours… only that me being a health worker, i had access to knowledge about phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors (PDE5-I) like sildenafil (aka) viagra… which provided successful results. but am still worried if there is a way i can overcome it and stop using viagra to achieve a standing erection… note that i can as well get a strong erecton when am alone and watching porn of which i cant when am with my first girlfriend…
I’m 38 now and have had issues my whole life. Kudos for being on here and seeking help. I wish I had this resource and community at your age. You’re not alone.
I have almost the exact same issue. At first I thought I was just anxious because it was the first time but I’ve come to realize that I feel completely comfortable with this girl and I’m not really worried about it, but as soon as she touches it or I touch her with it it starts to go soft.