I’m 25 years old and I run marathons, I workout all the time. I eat healthy, I’m very much healthy and in shape for my age. As of recently someone who I hadn’t met before met before wanted to hook up and I’ve never just hooked up with someone randomly without going on a date so I was nervous tbh like I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into. I also felt a little uses like I felt kinda bad on my drive there. When I got to her apartment she said she only had a couple minutes until her sister got there so we had to hurry. I wasn’t able to get it up for some reason.. she was beautiful but idk it was the most emasculating thing that has ever happened to me. The trauma from that has lingered to me that I haven’t been able to get morning wood ir ercetions throughout the day that I would so easily get all the time. Does anyone have any advice? This has to be all in my head but I don’t know what to do
A classic. Putting too much pressure on yourself is probably the most common issue for mental ED in my experience. The short answer is that you have to learn to cope with the pressure and associated negative emotions resulting from your traumatic experience. This can be very hard, but if you put in enough work you can do it. At least for me the app helped me a lot in this regard. For example the rewire negative thoughts and inner critic exercises. Also consider going to therapy.
The more pressure there is to perform (hurry we don’t have much time) the more likely there will be issues with erections. You probably just psyched yourself out trying to hurry it up. If you had more time to relax and enjoy the moment it would have been fine. I’ve had luck recently by visualizing the good times I’ve had rather than harping on the bad times. If this was your first time struggling try to convince yourself this was an isolated incident by running back the good experiences in your head.
Yeah, pure psych. Imagine trying to run a marathon without warming up! Unrealistic pressure, don’t beat yourself up.
If you’re not getting morning wood you should get your T checked. That’s a natural morning release of testosterone to help signal wakefullness.
One of the things through this ED journey I have learned is men have feelings too. No one would bat an eye if you had misgivings, feeling of being used and or a lil trauma if the gender roles were reversed. As men, and thought this way of myself too as erection on demand animals. You are allowed to have misgivings and bad feelings from bad sexual situations. I’m a kind of guy that will fantasize about women but has never had a real one night stand and never wanted it. Happily married for 18 years and extremely faithful. But honestly don’t think I could hook up with a stranger or acquaintance. I need relationship for sex. Never been down on myself for it (think it’s great for being married) but always thought I was a bit off cause I wasn’t like other guys. We are all wired a bit different and that’s alright. Don’t get down on yourself. We have a right as well to have our own feelings and desires. Hooking up may not be for you and that’s cool. Good luck man and hopefully this was helpful.