28 y/o man here. Generally speaking, I almost always last less than 30 seconds in bed, regardless of whether the sex is penetrative or oral (occasional exceptions include toothy blowjobs and “second rounds”). However, three years ago, I had a 4 month-long hypersexual situationship in which I was fully control of my orgasms every time. Every. Single. Time.
I’ve spent TONS of time trying to figure out what conditions eliminated my issue with that one woman, in the hopes of being able to replicate them with other women. Some considerations: she was a narcissistic personality (which I didn’t realize at the time) who gave my penis tons of attention, including extensive head every time we were together (I now understand this to have been a manipulative tactic, strenghtening my attachment to her). She no doubt had an unhealthy relationship with sex and pleasing men, and had done a lot of sex work through Seeking Arrangements in the past (her full college tuition was paid for by a sugar daddy). I felt that we had excellent chemistry—both conversational and sexual—and I always felt comfortable and heavily validated with her, never intimidated. The first time she went down on me, I warned her that I usually come really fast the first round (leaving out the fact that this also tends to apply to the second round), to which she replied, “that’s perfect—you can come in my mouth and then fuck me.” Like I said, no PE issues, even that first time.
I’m curious if any part of this experience speaks to anyone here. I’m beginning to try the sensate and root masturbation exercises recommended by this app, and I’m hoping there’s some sort of connection between those exercises and what empowered me during that relationship three years ago.