So, I have an ex who is has very high intense emotional needs. I’m not a super emotional person but throughout the relationship I know that I was painted as old and uncaring. The ex has issues from childhood where he was bullied by his dad and I think he replaced his “bully” with his “partner” so, overall I was pretty much always the bad guy.
We broke up - 2.5 years ago now but since then he’s been stalking me both online and offline and also through my friends, connections and people I’ve been on dates with.
This has led to me cutting myself off from dating as I’ve not been able to guarantee that I won’t get “caught” and there be ramifications through the exes unhinged behaviour or the dramas that he’d cause around me.
I recently decided since I’m really happy with my life etc (everything is going super well) that I’d try putting myself out there. I was on a date the other night and the guy held my hand. An hour later I get texts from the ex like “you should be telling me when you do these things because I hate surprises”
This is impacting me sexually because I think I’ve been conditioned to associate any sort of closeness or affection from someone as shameful or something that I don’t want to be “caught” doing and now I’m a afraid I won’t be able to get it up so I totally avoid sex.
Like this feels like, so dumb but I don’t really know what the way forward is.
Something for a therapy session but I wanted to hear if there’s anyone experiencing the same sort of situation?