I’m in my first major long term relationship, it’s been a year and a half, and I’m more in love with my partner than I’ve ever been with anyone before. Everything is perfect and communication is fantastic. And I’m very attracted to them. But I don’t get that strong primal sexual feeling. Which leads to difficulty getting and staying hard as well as getting off.
I’m comparing it to the feeling I get when I look at porn, or flirt or sext online. (We’re are open so it’s allowed). I know that something that turns me on is the chase and the question of will it happen or won’t it, as well as novelty. And maybe separation of my sexuality online that I feel some shame about?
I want to be excited with and by my partner. And I’m afraid of this being the downfall of our relationship. Has anyone else felt this way? Have you been able to recondition yourself? How have you dealt with it?
I cant separate love and sex, so your situation would really confuse my mind and probably mess up arousal.
I definitely can relate to you here. I was in a 4 year relationship where like you described - everything was great, strong connection, communication. But she was pretty much willing to have sex with me any time I requested it, even if she wasn’t in the mood. It did kinda kill that primal “chase” feeling you get as a man. It just felt too easy, in a way it almost made it feel less exciting and meaningful.
That relationship didn’t work out for me but the sex did get a lot better when I cut out porn. I’m no anti fapper by any means but it really did just change the way I felt about sex. After a while I didn’t need that extra excitement or stimulation, just the naked woman in front of me was now exciting enough for me.
How long did it take between cutting out porn and feeling the arousal again?