Maintaining an erection

Only just engaging here now as it’s got to the point where I’ve realised this is a problem for me after a recent experience of impotence, just today had a bit of a breakdown about it all.

I often have no issues getting an erection, can get hard when kissing or even just at the sight or proximity of the girl I’m seeing. Can get and maintain an erection when my dick is in my pants.

Almost as soon as my dick comes out of my pants, or sometimes when I’m getting a blowjob or about to have sex. At some point - I lose my erection.

This sounds to me like a physiological issue I’m having. I often have a very hard time just enjoying myself and getting out of my head.

Now I’m actually thinking about it and connecting the dots, this has been going on for 5 years and I’ve only had full time erect, great, sex once in the last 5 years - that was also the only time I’ve ever managed to cum with a girl too. I can never normally get to ejaculation, even if hard.
I’m 23.

It seems the girl or scenario can play a part?, With certain girls it’s much easier to hold an erection. The pressure I’ve put on myself in that situation might be a part?

It would be interesting to hear from others who might share the situation or something similar.
I haven’t spoken to anyone about this at all yet so all comments welcome.

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I’ve been told (by a doctor) that if you CAN get an erection (including morning wood), that the problem you’re experiencing is in your head and not downstairs.

It’s my problem, anyways.

Simply have to work on “getting out of your own head”, which is far easier said than done as I’m trying to get there myself. I’m struggling to get things going in the first place, and that’s with my wife if 12 years who I have a fantastic relationship with.

I’m doing slightly better now in recognizing that the pressure isn’t real. It’s not there. Even times when she’s gotten really upset that it didn’t happen, it’s all been OK afterwards. We’re working through it.

So much of getting in the moment and making it happen is being present, letting bad thoughts just pass through, and relaxing.

Again, so much easier said than done, but that’s where I’m starting to do better. I can tell simply by my heartbeat and breathing. It RACES when I’m tense. Just need to relax, enjoy it, breathe, and be present.


Yep… 2 forward one back…. It’s been going ok… I even thought I was “fixed”… but this weekend, in between foreplay and penetration…things went “south”… clearly I couldn’t get out of my head.
She was ok about it and we played a little longer, and it finished … ok… no penetration… but that time zone between foreplay and penetration… it’s causing me some grief…

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I’m there with you my friend.

For the last couple months I’ve been the initiator. I get it up, then get nervous simply by rolling over and starting it up. Foreplay is fine but things wane and then I’m stuck in no man’s land… all when I was the initiator.

I think that’s the frustration for her; I woke her up and yet I can’t make it happen. It’s a let down.

I’ve temporarily held off on initiating, and she asked to try last night. Still didn’t happen, but way way lower bar and I didn’t feel the pressure if it did or didn’t work. I think a couple more times like that where she initiates and we’ll be back on track.