Low sex drive, tips, tricks?

Hello been married since 2016 and have 3 kids under 7. Me and my wife have had decent sex, (2-3) times a week, but lately (last year or two) my sex drive has been almost none existent, to the point that we go 2-3 weeks with out sex and it’s really starting to hurt our marriage and make me feel like I’m not a man for wanting to have sex. Would love any tips,tricks, or anything to help me get my sex drive higher again. Also I’m only 28!

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I’ve been having the same issue but her sex drive has as well fallen off a cliff. I’ve upped my workout a bit and switched my multivitamin to have some free testosterone support in it. Nothing crazy but it’s helped a little for me.


Going on 15 years married, 3 kids, 5-12…life can be busy and sometimes hard to focus on each other.

Any added stress in your life the last 1-2 years? Any other changes that could have impacted your drive? Health, financial, job, other? There are definitely stressful times at work or if a lot of unexpected finances come up that I know impacts my mood and typically high sex drive.

Are you having date nights and making time for one another? Even at home, making time to just connect when the kids aren’t around? I usually find if we’re in a rut for whatever reason, just trying to do something just the two of us to have fun and connect usually helps us then re-connect in the bedroom as well.


Mate!! perspective is everything! I consider you so lucky that you have it every 2-3 weeks!
I have been married 24 years and since my 2nd child 13 years ago my wife lost all interest in any form of touch, intimacy or connection.
I used to try romance and kindness and self- improvemnt physiclly (going to gym for several years and getting in awesome shape) and emotionally to try to deal with the feelings of rejection which led me down a path of depressive feelings. In the early days I would chase sex and affection and try to always initiate it but after weeks, months and years of rejection I just stopped even trying for it. I also kinda thought maybe if I stopped trying so hard that she might initiate it when she felt like it…WRONG!
Some guys complain they only get sex on their birthday or xmas but I have gone years without any form of touch, affection or sex. So the marriage is obviously dead in the water and we are only together really as flatmates in the same house to provide a stable home for our kids. In the last couple of years I have sought the compny of women on affairs websites in order to help me feel like I am desirable again…and am obviously blown away by the high libido of the average woman. Enjoy what you have as it doesnt last buddy! :face_exhaling:

With 3 kids under 7 you are doing well to have sex every 2 - 3 weeks! However I can hear you are worried. This is such a normal situation at this stage in family life. Looking after young children can knock anyones libido. The most important thing will be for you and your wife to talk about this and talk some more! Work out at this stage how much intimacy will you both need to stay connected. You might need to be creative, sometimes just gentle cuddles will help you feel close enough. Then try to put times in your diary - it will be hard to manage this in a busy house. But then you can both look forward to the ‘session’ - using ‘simmereing’ techniques to get you both in the mood. You can send texts to each other, make an effort for the ‘date’, take your time, use some sensate, touch, don’t rush to penetration. But talking is going to be the biggest help at this stage to keep your relationship full proof for the future. If you feel a few sessions of couples therapy would help - it is often a really helpful MOT for longer term relationships. Good luck!