Iām a 38 year old with two kids who was married for 11 years (and with my ex for 16 years in total).
Iāve been separated from my wife for a year and a half, and for the last couple of years of our marriage the bedroom was pretty much dead.
Iāve been dating a woman for a little while (same age, also has kids). I guessed in advance of our first encounter Iād probably struggle with psychological PA, because for my other āfirst timesā with new partners (aged 15 and 20, so a long long time ago now!) I had done. It took a few goes before I was relaxed enough and realised the person wasnāt going to do a runner in horror, then Iād be relaxed enough and no longer be trying to āperformā or āimpressā that it would be OK.
So this time, Iād been doing Mojo for a week Iām anticipation and was trying to be in the moment and not spectate. My heart was going a lot. I was just honest and said "this is my first time in a long time, Iām nervous because I want it to be good, so Iām just going to use my tongue and hands for now and see what happens ". Which is what we did.
I did get hard after a while (after sheād come from oral) but couldnāt find the condoms Iād brought quick enough, so we agreed weād try again next time and I used mouth/hands again. She seemed happy enough and understanding. I feel a bit embarrassed still, but Iām starting to feel like itās just a rite of passage I have to go through the first couple of times with a new partner before the adrenalin/nerves wear off.
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Bro. You got the right idea. Be up front and honest with her. Sounds like sheās a good one!! I did same. Marriage ended and found a good one! I was transparent and sheās sooooo understanding. I focus on her pleasures. I love giving oral and using my hands. She loves it. She finishes multiple times each encounter. Iāve even bought a couple buzz toys that she enjoys as well. Iāve made some progress with the help
Of the app.
I gave up 90% porn and solo.
I do a regimen of Kegals, reverse Kegals, pelvic floor stretches and box breathing each night and morning.
Iāve seen a modest improvement in my
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Iām very much in the same boat, separated from 23 yr relationship, have 2 kids and after 2 years have finally found some special. It took me a while to get used to being with a new partner. My issue is I can stay hard during foreplay but go soft when I penetrate. Luckily my partner loves me using my hands and tongue, but for me it can be frustrating.
Iāve been using mojo for maybe 3 weeks consistently now and can definitely feel an improvement. I can stay in her for long enough to make it feel good, but not long enough to cum. I think the levels really help, but just stick with it all 
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Hey just adding to the talk here. Same deal. Married young. Split after nearly 20 years. Met someone new after a 2 year cooldown. I didnāt see it coming but definite PA the first time with her. Decided to just be open about it. Sheās was amazing about it and I showed her a good time anyway. Next time was similar. I jumped on mojo and just understanding the psychology of it all and having some strategies like box breath made a huge difference. Third time was so much better.
Weāre all adults, I agree just talk it out and enjoy the time together even if itās not the typical scenario. The less pressure on the moment the more likely itāll just work out anyways lol
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