So I am nearly 30 and have never had an official relationship or sexual intimacy before. I also grew up Christian and believing that sex is meant to be had inside a marriage. Well recently I met a girl on a dating app and we hit it off. I asked her out and for a month and a half we’ve been seeing each other periodically.
Recently, we’ve started seeing each other more frequently and have had conversations about physical intimacy. Last week, we made out in my apartment for a bit and just yesterday we got pretty hot and heavy at her place. We started making out on her bed and eventually clothes came off. I gave her oral and brought her to the big o. She then started going down on me which was great, but then I started losing my erection. We cuddled for a bit and then talked about going further. I put the condom on but just couldn’t get the erection back. We tried a couple positions and some more foreplay, but I just couldn’t get it back up. Ultimately, I think I was all in my head. I’ve never had issues when solo before. I’m just not sure if it’s because I was nervous about it being my first time, because I felt like I was betraying my faith, or probably some combination of things.
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Sounds like all of the above. That’s a whole lot of baggage to bring along in your head especially the feelings of guilt and shame. And for quite awhile being 30. Awesome that you were able to talk it out with her before, during and after. I messed up with my first and didn’t tell her it was my first time. Also had a lot of that stuff in my head as well but was 19 in college and my penis had a Will of its own and she ended up being really rough because she assumed I was a lot more experienced than I was and I didn’t want to ruin the mood/chicken out/or look weak. Messed with me for quite awhile. It ended up pretty much being raped by her. Keep up the conversations with her and decide 1 if sex is something you want to still pursue with her and 2 if it is how to overcome some of your problems with her help and this app. We are all here for you and rooting for you! I will say after my first bad experience with that lady my next girlfriend who didn’t really want penetrative sex for the first 2 years of our relationship worked out for both of us. We had a very fun and fulfilling sex life just without the penetration. Is a bit of a theological gymnastics for me at the time but was good and helped with my own weird healing. I also found out I really really liked eating out and 69ing. Feel like that interlude made me a better and more giving lover when I met my wife. Good luck man!
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I understand where you’re coming from I’m practically about to be 30 next year. I’m in the same boat. I’ve had quite a few moments where the situation called for sexual intercourse, yet I failed over and over. I’ve considered seeking help because I have no problem getting erection on my own. Just when it comes to women I believe I create this performance anxiety and I want to figure out why I created this.
One way or another we all just want to satisfy our future partners and feel good about ourselves. Let’s keep trying.
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I know you said you grew up in the Christian faith . Are you a believer? If the holy spirit is convicting and I know it is difficult as I feel the same convictions try to listen . Read his written word , pray , and God will lead you . I would say that you’re in your head because you know the truth and the truth is what sets you free . God has no issue with sex and he wants us to enjoy it as he created man to be with woman . But it’s definitely his will to be within the union of marriage. I will definitely be praying for you my friend.
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