Do you ever get anxious during sex? How does it affect you? (Part 1)

My wife and I are trying to get pregnant for over a year. Having to time sex around ovulation has given me lots of performance anxiety and struggles to get an erection when I have to. It has caused a lot stress in my marriage.



I get anxious during sex as i’m constantly monitoring whether i’m getting harder or not, so when i’m not immediately it makes me doubt myself and feel anxious. This creates a cycle where I feel that I can’t have sex or it won’t happen despite me wanting it to, spectating and not being able to get into the moment


The minute I start to get aroused I immediately think I won’t be able to maintain an erection which then causes me to lose my erection or I don’t actually every get fully hard


I get anxious during sex. I’m always thinking if my penis is hard enough. If my girlfriend is doing oral sex I always place my hand on my penis to check for hardness. Also, I don’t concentrate on the feelings, weed is the only thing that helps me but I don’t want to rely on that to be able to feel.


I relate to the first time being so scary! I remember I masturbated twice the day before I THOUGHT we were gonna have sex so I would bust too quick. When the time came, I lost erection from pure nerves. I am fortunate my partner was williing to rough it out with me. Took maybe 45 minutes but I finally got hard again.

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Normally before sex thinking about how hard can I be

Affects me so much . Get thinking a lot

Worried about what my partner thinks if I can’t get it up

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Yes , it causes my erection to go away

No erection at all

I lost erection during sex once when i was going through a lot of stress. Im not dealing with that stress anymore, but now i am anxious and thinking about the time i lost erection first time and for the past 4-5 times, i have either hard time getting up or staying up during sex.

If I’m taking a while to get hard, or if I start to lose my erection, I get anxious and have no chance of staying hard

Yes I do, as the guys in the videos were saying it often comes from me not trusting my body after past experiences which just leads to more issues with me actually enjoying myself

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Almost always

As soon as we start kissing I get anxious about my lack of erection and it doesnt happen

Yes, as a closeted gay man i tried for a long time to make it work with women, I refused to believe i was gay so had multiple experiences where i couldn’t get it up. This has followed me into my adult life as an out gay man, the seeds of doubt around erections were sown very deep and so still to this day struggle.

I lost my wife 2-1/2 years ago to cancer. We have three daughters (all mid-late teens when she passed). I went through the stages of grief and was very lonely after 10 months - never having had an issue with ED in the past. It had been about 14-15 months since I had sex previously due to my wife’s illness. I got on the dating apps and got a date almost immediately that resulted in sex on the second date. It was kind of all over the place that first time, but the relationship got more intense and sex was part of almost every time we saw each other (about once a week at that point). After that encounter, I found it very hard to get hard during sex. She was patient and the relationship started to go sour at about 4 months. We broke up, tried again and it just wasn’t working. She started to compare me to her ex and that was extremely hard to hear. I wasn’t big enough or hard enough. We broke up again shortly thereafter and that was the end of the relationship.Cut to 7 months later and met the most beautiful, attractive woman. We hit it off in a big way, but it is a long distance relationship - she lives two hours away. It started off where we just texted and talked for seven weeks before we met each other in person. On the first date that we saw each other, we felt we had known each other enough to get physical. Suffice it to say, I could not get hard. She is amazing and has been very patient. and I am still with her.I have tried Cialis (didn’t work). I have tried the highest dose of Viagra (100mgs) and it didn’t work. It works better when I masturbate, but when it comes to sex with this absolutely gorgeous woman, it does not work. Luckily, we connect on many levels and she is very patient and after 6 months we have fallen in love. However, getting hard is still difficult. I often start soft, get somewhat hard and can’t maintain.Although she has been extremely patient, she has asked about my sexuality (am I gay?) and if I was attracted to her. I’m not gay and I am very attracted to her, but it is still a problem maintaining an erection during sex.This is extremely frustrating for me and I have tried to “get out of my head”. She has told me to focus on myself and don’t think about her. Yet I still cannot get hard. I’m hoping I can discover something about myself through these courses.