Do you ever get anxious during sex? How does it affect you? (Part 1)

I seem to have trouble keeping it up, especially right when i put a condom on. I can be hard during fore play or oral, but as soon as the moment comes it just goes down.

Yes, it makes me return to being soft. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best partner my lover has ever had and that ruins the pleasure for me

I’m OK if things go well but I seem to get a really panic when things aren’t perfectFor example, if there’s a glitch in trying to get penetration

I’m always anxious during sex.Anxious 1) not to cum too quick2) not to get soft3) to force my penis to become hard again4) then anxious again not to get soft again quickly

Yes. I mean it just affects me in all aspects of life. Woman are what I love most. Having a girlfriend and being confident. It just seems like ED strips you away from all these things and its crazy how something that you have no fault of, can damage your day to day life so much

Yes very anxious. I start doubting myself and wondering if my partner is enjoying it and this affects my ability to stay hard. I don’t want to let her down. When I go soft I feel like a failure.

1 Like

I have no issue getting an erection during foreplay, but once it’s time to perform that is where my anxiety kicks in and I lose my erection.

Almost everytime. I start thinking that my partner might not like it, that I’m not good enough at sex, that I can’t move in the right way. So there are a lot of bad thoughts going around my head and I don’t enjoy the moment as I should. Because of that I usually ejaculate soon and in a few occasions in the last year I also had problem to stay up

when i come to the realisation that sex is going to be possible i become absolutely terrified and can almost feel that i wont be able to get an erection, leading to me losing arousal and desire for sex.


Pretty much every time. I put a lot of pressure on myself and when I go soft I beat myself up in my head as I feel I’ve let my partner down


I feel that keeping things secret does not help the situation. Being open about what I am feeling, whether it’s good or bad, helps me perform better. Of course it helps when your partner knows you inside & out.

1 Like

Same here. Struggling getting out of my head

Yes especially with new partners. I will get in my head and lose my erection. I get incredibly anxious and I worry that it makes me avoid any casual encounters entirely.

Unfortunately yes especially , is getting in my head that I won’t satisfy my girlfriend and losing my erection immediately, I don’t know how long my girlfriend will tolerate that

Yes I completely know what you mean with this. A lot of the time when it happens to me my body is shaking and my heart is pounding after a failed attempt.

Yes. Especially at the moment of putting the condom on. Both the fear of going flaccid or not lasting long enough completely ruin the act and I end up nervous and shaking and soft and frustrated. But most of all embarrassed by my failure to complete what should have been a simple exchange of pleasure between two people attracted to each other.

1 Like

Same thing here! Very annoying

I am a gay, married 30-year old man. I used to not get anxious about sex until sometime in the last year when, for the first time in years, I wasn’t able to get hard (because I was extremely drunk). This one occurrence immediately brought back all the feelings of shame and embarrassment that I had felt when I was in high school and still trying to have sex with females. After this one occurrence about a year ago, my inability to get hard started happening more and more often until I arrived at the point where I am today. Prior to any sexual encounter, I start feeling extremely anxious, as if I already know that there is no possible way that I will get it up–it’s like I’ve already lost and have failed. Not only is this embarrassing for me, but it also makes me feel guilty because I know that it is also affecting my husband. This anxiety about not getting hard is precisely what keeps me from getting hard in the first place. I have known that this was my problem for a while, but I had no idea that this was a common issue among other men my age (30 years old). I certainly wasn’t able to talk about it with anyone. I’m really hoping that I can find a way to get back to where I was a year ago and shed all this doubt.

I always get anxious that I won’t meet girls’ expectations about my performance. I’m tall and in good shape, but I ejaculate quickly and am self-conscious about my penis size. I feel like girls expect me to have a big one and be awesome in bed, so I get anxious for them to find out the opposite is true. I’m also really competitive and it bothers me to think other guys are bigger or can last longer, which makes me put more pressure on myself resulting in more anxiety.

1 Like

It is unpredictable for me, but it happens more frequently the less that I know my sexual partner – early interactions are particularly risky. I think in the past it has made me less likely to even go out and seek relationships with women, as I fear how I might be perceived or how ashamed and frustrated I might feel if I don’t perform. I am also realizing that much of it has to do with my own mental model of masculinity; I thought the quote “We don’t often see men comfortable with a soft penis” was very insightful because I certainly can’t say I’m comfortable with it.