A little timeline of my issues. Break up with long term girlfriend of 5 years, 3 years of awkward hook ups where i could never stay hard, then about 2 years of completley avoiding any interaction that could lead to a hookup + intense shame guilt and anxiety snowballing and bleeding into other areas of my life and overall confidence.
About 2 months ago I started mojo consistently and was feeling extremely optimistic and quite confident, started seeing a girl who has been very accepting and supporting of my issues, but when i still couldnât get it up with her after 2 months of sleepovers and just focusing on me pleasing her, that shame started to creep up again. I started feeling anxious day to day to the point where i wanted to cut ties with her. I had also been doing nofap for 30+ days and felt like i had âflat linedâ (no libido).
Last night we hung out, we were making out for what felt like hours, She was on her period which took some of the stress off of performing. But I wasnât into it at all, I actually felt quite uncomfortable at one point. I suggested we go to bed. Thoughts started racing, âWhat is wrong with me? Am i leading her on at this point? Is this even what i really want? I should just give up. I am a defective human being.â Lieing next to her in bed as we went to sleep and ended up staying up for about 3 hours thinking these thoughts, essentially having a panic attack. I wanted to escape, leave a note and go home, and probably tell her we should just be friends. But for some reason i didnt.
Morning came and my anxious thoughts had passed, we make out and i get fully hard, Long story short she gives me a BJ till completion. It was awesome. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I know my journey is far from over, but I was just about ready to give up, and then took this huge step out of nowhere. I feel confident again, and my libido has awakened. If you take one thing from my anecdote, DO NOT GIVE UP! keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. The self critic in your head telling you to quit has never done you any favors.
Good luck brothers.