I think my partner is doing me a favor when having sex with me. I feel like I owe her something. And if I don’t perform, I feel like I’m in her debt.
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I was worried about finishing too fast and I did. My partner at the time said none of her past partners ever had this issue, and so I felt like a failure and that something was wrong with me. I understand now that this can happen to lots of men and that I’m in my head a lot which doesn’t make me a failure. Her response was also not helping me improve…
She is disappointed in me and won’t love me or want to be intimate and close with me if I don’t get hard. What if I’m permanently broken? Will she seek sexual pleasure elsewhere?
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When she asks me what’s wrong I feel like I have to search for a reason to justify why I can’t get it up or to splurge all my insecurities.
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I never last during sex when I try to stop myself from cumming I lose my erection
I can reprogram how I think about myself when I’m having sex with my partner I only think about how my erection is doing and less on the sexual act itself
Before to have sex in thinking how long I’m gonna stay hard , that for me is very negative because I put all my focus if I will come fast and how long I will stay hard after cum . I think that negative reasoning is “fortune telling “ because I’m think take I gonna cum even before start the
penetration.
Of course I worry about my performance before sex but it’s such an in the moment thing, I like to think of fun things to do in bed or how I’ll initiate it but that rarely goes the way I think so there’s no point dwelling on if it might go badly
A couple of weeks ago. Couldnt maintain my erectiom when I eventually got it. Kept on losing it whenever I got hard again.
Thought: I’m never able to get hard - my body doesn’t work properly (particularly with new medication): overgeneralization/all-or-nothing/catastrophizing;
- I can get erections on my own (even with new pills), I have performed very well before, there is nothing physically wrong with me.
- It’s true that I’ve had problems getting hard in the past. But my problems are not physical and are not insurmountable. I will be able to overcome them
Last time I had sex I was enjoying it but could never cum, so I made myself after we were done and it only took like 1 minute which made me fee bad. But I also found comfort in the fact that I can stay hard and I’m working through that, I just need to be able to be comfortable with my partner and myself more and stay out of my own way
- if it happens again then I will be stuck with ED for life”
-over generalizing - I got hard this time which was better than last time I had sex. We also stopped having sex for things outside my control
I can’t keep it up but after a month of mojo I’ve been keeping it up, orgasming with my wife together
I fortune tell;
“There’s a good chance you wont get hard.”
Then mind reading;
“They’ll probably be disappointed and wish they were with someone else.”
Rational:
Theres been plenty of times I have gorten hard. There’s every chance I’ll get hard tonight.
There’s no evidence they will be disappointed. Literally none has even showed disappointment when I’ve not gotten or stayed hard. Even if it does happen, they will be understanding and accepting and you can always do other stuff to have fun and please them.
Last time I had sex I struggled to get hard during foreplay. I thought she was going to be disappointed in me and and look at me as less of a man. And when I finally got half hard, I came during oral. She seemed very pleased with that alone. I admitted that she made me nervous and that’s why I couldn’t get hard. She didn’t seem that bothered.
I was able to stay hard. Even after coming too early in my mind. My partner didn’t seem to mind at all
I can last long enough to please my partners.
Fortune telling: During the last time I had sex I was enjoying it until started thinking it’s getting soft while banging my partner and it happened.
I didn’t feel that attracted to my partner, I just had sex to prove myself as I had ended an emotional relationship earlier that week.
Mind-reading: During the last time I had sex I was not that excited I thought I won’t be able to cum and my partner is going to be disappointed.
I needed more stimulation and care, the fact he mentioned that my partner said that “only” wanted to make me explode made me feel pressured and stressed.
Fortune telling, at work I’d think that when my partner and I would try have sex that night I wouldn’t get hard, even though I did the last time. Just couldn’t shake the fact it had happened before.
Last few times I’ve had sex, I’ve been thinking about how hard I am rather than being on the moment.
I should ignore how hard I am because I shouldn’t be expected to be hard every time, plus sec can be enjoyable without an erection
I feel like I’m expected to make my girl cum every time I have sex.
I should focus on pleasure first and foremost and stop overthinking about whether I’m ‘meeting expectations.’ I know I can be good at sex, however I need to take away the expectations that I place on myself
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The “obligation” to perform and last. This is more like an all or nothing type of thought, if I don’t last I feel like a complete failure, this gets me away from enjoying the experience and focusing on pleasure. I counter it with the fact that I know I can last whatever I want, I’ve done it in the past, and my partner knows that and supports me actively.
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