Fortune telling, I’ve had a few experiences with half erections and then PE directly following that because of the concentration on getting it up rather than the pleasure. It is always at the back of my mind during intercourse. What if I can’t get it up at first and then cum too early. Although since starting this program, I’ve been able to last 20-30 minutes. But I realize I need proper foreplay and intimacy, especially with a new partner.
Last time I had bad sex I was unable to get fully erect. I felt like a loser and a disappointment. But actually she told me I have nothing to be embarrassed about, she never said she felt disappointed, and feeling like a loser is simply a mix of emotional-reasoning and all-or-nothing thinking. Which are both thought distortions. I had no reason to believe I was a loser so I should tell myself I shouldn’t feel that way to begin with.
If I’m not hard then she won’t enjoy it and won’t want sex. Actually me getting down in the dumps about it is what’s not sexy.
Last I had sex, I was hard and lost my erection! I felt bad because I thought she was disappointing; I felt less man because I did not know why that was happening. She told me it was ok, that I needed to relax and not feel bad about it! I am not a disappointment. It is just an all-or-nothing thinking! I need a lot of visuals and talk dirty to get hard now! Sometimes, it works, but sometimes, it does not because I feel a lot of pressure to perform well. I’ve had sex many times before and I know I can get hard and enjoy it! I be talked with my current partner about this and she is supportive!
The last time I had sex with this girl I was seeing, we had had a pasta and wine night and I was really starting to like her. We went to my truck and got in the backseat and were making out and starting touching each other. I think I was so worried about not being able to get hard because of the wine or not being able to please her or the condom desensitizing me that when I went to get the condom, I got soft. I remember going down on her while I tried to get hard which I eventually did, but the sex after was lackluster and I couldn’t cum. I just felt so anxious and overwhelmed. I think I can reprogram these three thoughts I had by trying to have sex without drinking so it’s not a factor, focusing on my pleasure and knowing that me and her can enjoy the experience together and since we already like each other on an emotional level, one sexual experience isn’t going to be a dealbreaker and I can try masturbating with a condom to show myself that I can enjoy sex with it, like I did before.
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Catastrophizing
The last time I had sex I was thinking about making my partner cum and even though I was really hard, I tried to distract myself to stop myself from cumming and started thinking of worst case scenarios which eventually made me go soft. My partner got super upset and asked me what was wrong with me which made me think even less of myself and out me in a catastrophizing loop
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I’ve started to notice that the things I’m learning here on Mojo are translating to other things in my life. For example, in reprogramming negative thoughts, not only has this helped with intimacy, but I’m noticing interconnections with how I feel around friendship situations. It’s starting to help paint a better picture on how I can be in those situations.
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Catastrophizing
Last time my girlfriend and I had sex I came quickly and thought to myself and she will never be satisfied in our sex life because of my inability to last long
Evidence
- she never said she was disappointed
- she showed me love afterwards when I looked disappointed
- she said she wished it didn’t bother me so much
My inability to last long stems could stem from years of porn use. It would make sense because I was chasing that high so my body is immediately programmed to give it to me
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Last time we tried to have sex, I pull my penis out and tried to insert and I imitatively felt the urge to cum and I did. I felt useless and incapable for my girlfriend.
I feel years of wanking to porn has caused this and made my body cum quicker as porn made it do
Premature ejaculated
Not getting erect during forepla
You will never be able to get hard again. It’s too hard for you and too difficult
I catastrophise about asking for what I want to stop my PE or ED: slower foreplay, some time stopping and kissing, and a chance to take a breath and really enjoy the connection and what’s happening. I worry if I acknowledge or mention that I’m near to cumming or I’m not hard, she’ll lose interest and think I’ve ruined the moment.
You won’t get fully hard again
I get these girls and each time I’m thinking omg j can’t disappoint I need to get hard and then in the moment that’s all I’m thinking about. I’m not enjoying being with my sexual partner and enjoying the moment and I need to change that
I feel like over the last 15 years I’ve seen a steady decline in my erections and I worry that they’re going to stay at this low performance level forever. If I take a step back I can however rationalise that this is from a combination of things. Over stimulating with pornography, having a lot of casual sex but using viagra as a crutch everytime, never doing exercises, or masturbating mindfully, and neglecting my physical and mental health!
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I’ve been cumming really quick during sex so I’ve been trying to make my partner orgasm during foreplay so sex to me is 90% foreplay and 10% sex for the last few years.
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You won’t be able to get hard again and that the girl will never talk to you again if you can’t do it
Last I had sex I felt inadequate when my partner asked me if I wanted to penetrate. I wasn’t able to. We transitioned to me receiving. I felt it took the pressure off.
I couldn’t reach orgasm. My self judgment is that I’m broken. I felt frustrated. She didn’t want to have another round with me and that was why. At least, that was the story I told myself.