My negative thoughts and emotions will determine my sexual experience.
/ This is emotional reasoning and I can easily overcome it by realising I’m fully sexually functional and healthy.
I will enter fight or flight mode and not be able to get it up and she will be disappointed and go off me. Reprogram: I am capable of being in the present moment and have built good techniques to stay in the present moment.
They will focus on how long I last vaginally and not the experience as a whole
I’ll never be confident enough to initiate sex. I’ll shy away because there is permanent damage
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That I won’t ever stay hard during fore play
She doesn’t like me anymore anyways.
Negative thought: Two nights ago I just couldn’t get it up. I’m never going to be able to have sex again.
Reprogram: There have been random nights where I couldn’t get it up, the next day I had sex twice. Even if there is a day here and there where I just can’t perform, it’s clearly not a permanent state.
I probably won’t last
I’m not ready/don’t feel ready right now to have sex with my new girlfriend for the first time. I’ll regret not trying far more then if I don’t get hard. I’m allowed to be wrong, I’m not allowed to think I’ll fail before even trying
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I won’t maintain my erection.
I will not be able to maintain for long enough to orgasm - for either of us.
She will be disappointed if I don’t penetrate her during sex
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The time they said they were frustrated about sex because of finishing early.
I thought the sex was ALWAYS frustrating and led to uncomfortable partners and I was not good at all in bed (overgenererallisation) (mind reading) (catastrophizing)
Alternative thought: understanding there’s highs and lows in life, and also in sex. Not everything is just right or should be just right all the time
Alternative thought: we are all humans and we all get frustrated sometimes for different reasons. Asking the right questions and trying to navigate how to improve together would be the best instead of putting all the pressure into myself.
My wife will leave or find her needs elsewhere
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I am going to cum as soon a i penetrate and it’s going to be disappointing
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Fortune telling: I’m going to struggle to get or maintain an erection when I have sex.
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That I won’t cum from a blowjob, but that doesn’t have to be the case. And that’s not the important part. The important part is feeling something and connecting with another individual
That I can’t get hard all the time like others
Sometimes that just makes me choose my partners more carefully
I’m never in the mood to have sex - All of nothing
Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not, I still get turned on
After a lot of good sex, I am ready to discount all of that after one less satisfying experience. I can work against that tendency
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