The next time I get hard during foreplay, the moment my partner seems to want to initiate penetration the erection will go away
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I lost my erection before she could finish. As soon as she told me to speed up, finall giving me some direction, I wasn’t able to hold on, and I came. It felt good, but I went soft really fast and she had to basically get herself off by grinding on my soft penis. We both got off, we both enjoyed each other, but I still felt inadequate because I didn’t make her cum from penetration alone, which I could tell she was enjoying. Observing this thought, not only do I recognize the false categorical imperative that we have to cum one way or another, but also that it was an unsatisfactory experience.
Next time I try to have sex vs receiving bj or hj I’ll lose my erection. And she will judge me even if she says she won’t first of all it’s not true that I will - have had sex many times. And she is very into me and won’t judge me. Yeah it could happen but it also may not. We don’t know and better to just enjoy.
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I feel like I’m just getting too old because I’m in my mid 30s now. I need to remind myself that I’m still healthy and fairly young and just because I’m tired sometimes doesn’t mean I can’t get erections anymore.
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I’ve had sex with my gf before but sometimes I worry that I won’t get hard because for the first three months we were dating I couldn’t get hard and she almost left me. We’ve been having sex for a few months now but the last 2 weeks I’ve been overthinking and worrying that I won’t get hard. And then I don’t. And she thinks it’s happening all over again and gives up on trying because she thinks it will be a waste of time and I won’t get hard.
I wasn’t able to turn my partner on because I was so wrapped up in thoughts.
I can reprogram my idea that I always finish quick. I know I’m capable of change.
I tend to catastrophize and overgenralize my issues, but arguing for and against the negative thought “my sex life is over” has been very helpful. The debate exercise allows you to argue both sides and see which one is more defensible, which is pretty much always the positive side. Moving out of zero sum thinking a head games is essential. I’m really appreciating this exercise. Hopefully soon I’ll have no more negative sex experiences to recall at all.
A reprogrammed thought for me would be: Just because it has happened before, doesn’t mean it will happen again. There’s absolutely no proof to the contrary.
What if I don’t stay hard?
“I will have fun if I don’t focus on my dick so much. It will happen and if it doesnt so what”
Every experience is unique. If im constantly pulling myself out of the present moment I lose connection not just to my partner but to myself.
The next time we have sex I will lose my erection when I stop to put a condom on like I did last time.
If I get out of my head and relax prior to putting my condom on, I will be fine like I have been so many times before.
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I get caught up feeling like I have to get turned on and be sexual right after meetin up with my partner. But the truth is that I can listen to my body and when I am patient and let myself get turned on, we have fun exploring the space together.
My partners give me more grace than I give them credit for. Rather than assuming the worst I need to lean into the positive interactions I’ve had even when things haven’t gone as I had hoped they might.
Found the structure of this unhelpful - should have reminded us of the categories as we did the exercise; also seemed aimed at people with one-off, rather than chronic, dysfunction. But I managed to jot down some thoughts and argue against them, eg yes this happens every time, but if you continue on to fixate on it as inevitable you’ll never makeprogress
If there’s a week between every time we have sex I’m always going to get in my head and tell my self I’m going to finish too fast